You raised me up so I can do anything. You raised me up, you make me strong so I can be more myself, more like the divine being that I thrive to be. And that gave me the courage to be brave and encouragous for others when I couldn't stand up for myself.
I miss you, I always will long for the day we would be reunited in spirit. You have made me more than I can be on my own. You believed in me when I didn't mysel.f I look forward to the day when someone else look up to me the way I will always look up to you.
Thank you for being my grandparents. I could not ask for better people to learn from. I learn from your perservernece, your courage, your love and sense of responsbility for your family and your hardworkingness.
You live forever, in me. You live forever.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
What am I doing?
Today as I walked into the computer lab where I was intending to do my work, I met a familiar face. It is a face that belongs to a fellow postgraduate student that I have always fondly enjoy chatting about politics and macro issues in the region where we live.
During the lively chat, we spoke about poverty; we spoke about regional policies keeping people immobile and disadvantaged. I cannot help but be asking myself, what am I doing to help this situation? What can I do and what am I doing?
I am not doing anything, let's admit that. I feel guilty, I feel angry and I feel depressed and incapable of helping others in that situation. I am shocked and I am stunned. I ask this of myself, is it naive is it silly is it crazy to think I should be doing something about this? Am I out of my mind and why do I care so much?
Why should I stand up and how do I do this? It is painfully ironic when I wonder how much would my family care about the same thing. And how urge do they feel they should do something? I can almost hear them saying just do your job and don't get into trouble. But I feel like sometimes I have to get into trouble in order to do my job.
God, I pray that you would give me direction - direction that guide me in being able to make a difference how ever small individual me as a person. I find it really hard not to break when I think - gosh, why such injustice and inequality for my brothers and sisters from another mother and father? Why?
God, why?
During the lively chat, we spoke about poverty; we spoke about regional policies keeping people immobile and disadvantaged. I cannot help but be asking myself, what am I doing to help this situation? What can I do and what am I doing?
I am not doing anything, let's admit that. I feel guilty, I feel angry and I feel depressed and incapable of helping others in that situation. I am shocked and I am stunned. I ask this of myself, is it naive is it silly is it crazy to think I should be doing something about this? Am I out of my mind and why do I care so much?
Why should I stand up and how do I do this? It is painfully ironic when I wonder how much would my family care about the same thing. And how urge do they feel they should do something? I can almost hear them saying just do your job and don't get into trouble. But I feel like sometimes I have to get into trouble in order to do my job.
God, I pray that you would give me direction - direction that guide me in being able to make a difference how ever small individual me as a person. I find it really hard not to break when I think - gosh, why such injustice and inequality for my brothers and sisters from another mother and father? Why?
God, why?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Inspiring the therapist
It had been a remarkable day for me. I want to say that I am grateful for those whom I work with today. Today, they had taught me hope and perseverance. The hard works do pay off.
I had been working very hard with these particular two individuals. I am and had walked a long hard part of their journey back to life with them. One found work and the other doing so well that gave me the confidence that it will all be okay.
I want to capture this happy moment for myself. It was a remarkable feeling when relief came in a context of illness, poverty and being in a strange place. It was equally remarkable when our eyes met, you said everything without saying a word to tell me how you appreciated and acknowledged my involvement, my walking alongside with you to stand on your own again. It is hard to let go but it makes me proud to let you go and see you fly.
This, is truly inspiring; even for the therapist :)
I had been working very hard with these particular two individuals. I am and had walked a long hard part of their journey back to life with them. One found work and the other doing so well that gave me the confidence that it will all be okay.
I want to capture this happy moment for myself. It was a remarkable feeling when relief came in a context of illness, poverty and being in a strange place. It was equally remarkable when our eyes met, you said everything without saying a word to tell me how you appreciated and acknowledged my involvement, my walking alongside with you to stand on your own again. It is hard to let go but it makes me proud to let you go and see you fly.
This, is truly inspiring; even for the therapist :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Happy Birthday Madiba!
Today, 18th July 2010 marks the 92th birthday of South African ex-president Nelson Mandela. There is no word to describe someone as amazing and as legendary as him.
Happy Birthday Madiba. Here's the words of a song my favourite band wrote in honor of you:
《光輝歲月》的歌詞在下面給大家欣賞：
作曲： 黃家駒 作詞： 黃家駒 歌手： Beyond
鐘聲響起歸家的訊號
在他生命裡 彷彿帶點唏噓
黑色肌膚給他的意義
是一生奉獻 膚色鬥爭中
＊年月把擁有變做失去
疲倦的雙眼帶著期望＊
＃今天只有殘留的軀殼
迎接光輝歲月 風雨中抱緊自由
一生經過徬徨的掙扎
自信可改變未來 問誰又能做到＃
可否不分膚色的界限
願這土地裡 不分你我高低
繽紛色彩閃出的美麗
是因它沒有 分開每種色彩
(the above picture came from http://api.ning.com via Google search and is hereby acknowledged.)
Happy Birthday Madiba. Here's the words of a song my favourite band wrote in honor of you:
《光輝歲月》的歌詞在下面給大家欣賞：
作曲： 黃家駒 作詞： 黃家駒 歌手： Beyond
鐘聲響起歸家的訊號
在他生命裡 彷彿帶點唏噓
黑色肌膚給他的意義
是一生奉獻 膚色鬥爭中
＊年月把擁有變做失去
疲倦的雙眼帶著期望＊
＃今天只有殘留的軀殼
迎接光輝歲月 風雨中抱緊自由
一生經過徬徨的掙扎
自信可改變未來 問誰又能做到＃
可否不分膚色的界限
願這土地裡 不分你我高低
繽紛色彩閃出的美麗
是因它沒有 分開每種色彩
(the above picture came from http://api.ning.com via Google search and is hereby acknowledged.)
Monday, May 31, 2010
My favorite hymns - even through I am not exactly a good Christian
LOVE IS THE TOUCH OF INTANGIBLE JOY:
Love is the touch of intangible joy;
love is the force that no fear can destroy;
love is the goodness we gladly applaud;
God is where love is, for love is of God.
AMAZING GRACE
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
Love is the touch of intangible joy;
love is the force that no fear can destroy;
love is the goodness we gladly applaud;
God is where love is, for love is of God.
AMAZING GRACE
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
thoughts...just thoughts along the way
We visited yet another castles in Scotland and my mind is still stucked with the church that housed one of Englishmen from a Lord family in the 1st boers wars. The hurt of wars really hit home with me when we read about his death as an act of kindness at the 'close of victory'. I feel really stupidified and rage just surge in me - "WHO'S VICTORY WAS THAT??" It is hardly victory that one man is killing another no matter how seemingly 'good' reasons you had going into war!! And what victory do you think you have had, when so many more of your men were killed by the Boers. How selectively self deceiving can we get?
Men, you dare to say you are the smartest on earth and that you are made in the image of God. How can you be so blinded to the ways of the devil, playing us one against another while laughing at our foolish act that is fatal sometimes. And there are causalities, innocent lives are lost too.
I have to say my thoughts into the universe as I cannot hold it in as I understand how each family had members in the wars (WWI & WWII) in Scotland. There are just as many of other people that was in the wars, can we ever see the other human in the persons on the opposite side? Here, I remember my 3 grandfathers who were in the wars. two of which were soliders on different sides and one carried dead bodies as a young teenager, the irony and tragedies in all 3's situations is hardly victory at all for anybody.
Men, you dare to say you are the smartest on earth and that you are made in the image of God. How can you be so blinded to the ways of the devil, playing us one against another while laughing at our foolish act that is fatal sometimes. And there are causalities, innocent lives are lost too.
I have to say my thoughts into the universe as I cannot hold it in as I understand how each family had members in the wars (WWI & WWII) in Scotland. There are just as many of other people that was in the wars, can we ever see the other human in the persons on the opposite side? Here, I remember my 3 grandfathers who were in the wars. two of which were soliders on different sides and one carried dead bodies as a young teenager, the irony and tragedies in all 3's situations is hardly victory at all for anybody.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A spiritual visit to the Isle of Iona & Staffa Island
Aaron and I went on a 12 hour island visit today with his folks, we went to Iona and Staffa Island. I still find the experience unreal as the islands are un-humanily beautiful and untouched by pollution. I felt that I had entered heaven and was absent from being on Earth while sightseeing there.
On Iona, we visited the birth place of English Christianity where it landed 635AD on the coast of Iona. What is left of this spiritual and histronical event are ancient buildings of church and where the nun and monk lived. There was something spiritual about visiting these monuments. It amazed me that people lived and died believing in their faith in the old days. I couldn't help myself but asked, why is it so hard to do the same in the modern days? I wished my faith about what I believe in can be so stable, so unquestionable and so 'of course, this is the way it has to be.' Bridgid's said something interesting when we chatted about this, she said that modern day people have more emphasis on this life on earth than before when I expressed how shocked I was that Saint Oran got sacrificed (willingly or not) for a tiny plain building that is now known as the Saint Oran's Chapel next to the big church on Iona. I really wondered is it worth it to die like flies? Yet Oran didn't die like flies, for he is still remembered and visited by us on Iona... How interesting and ironic, I sometimes wondered what is God trying to tell us?
Amongst the interesting artifacts, there were many tomb stones. A set of four knight looking one really drew me to them, it drew me into thinking how all of us what to exit this world in a honourable way and in a glorified way, but in the end - what does it matters? We still goes, honourable or ordinary... It seems pointless to hold onto the material things we have access to if that's not going to have any meaning for our souls when we leave our bodies at the end of this life. This made me sad as I read what people wrote that they feel would end poverty inside the church of Iona. So many said, 'end this war..', 'share things' and etc. But poverty, it is so much so much more than the have's and have not's. If ordinary people's understanding is only on the superifical level of materials, who is really poor and how are the real poor people really ever going to get the 'help' they should receive?
God bless us with a deep inner understanding of what you intended for us to learn in our lives, in this life before we meet you face to face.
On Iona, we visited the birth place of English Christianity where it landed 635AD on the coast of Iona. What is left of this spiritual and histronical event are ancient buildings of church and where the nun and monk lived. There was something spiritual about visiting these monuments. It amazed me that people lived and died believing in their faith in the old days. I couldn't help myself but asked, why is it so hard to do the same in the modern days? I wished my faith about what I believe in can be so stable, so unquestionable and so 'of course, this is the way it has to be.' Bridgid's said something interesting when we chatted about this, she said that modern day people have more emphasis on this life on earth than before when I expressed how shocked I was that Saint Oran got sacrificed (willingly or not) for a tiny plain building that is now known as the Saint Oran's Chapel next to the big church on Iona. I really wondered is it worth it to die like flies? Yet Oran didn't die like flies, for he is still remembered and visited by us on Iona... How interesting and ironic, I sometimes wondered what is God trying to tell us?
Amongst the interesting artifacts, there were many tomb stones. A set of four knight looking one really drew me to them, it drew me into thinking how all of us what to exit this world in a honourable way and in a glorified way, but in the end - what does it matters? We still goes, honourable or ordinary... It seems pointless to hold onto the material things we have access to if that's not going to have any meaning for our souls when we leave our bodies at the end of this life. This made me sad as I read what people wrote that they feel would end poverty inside the church of Iona. So many said, 'end this war..', 'share things' and etc. But poverty, it is so much so much more than the have's and have not's. If ordinary people's understanding is only on the superifical level of materials, who is really poor and how are the real poor people really ever going to get the 'help' they should receive?
God bless us with a deep inner understanding of what you intended for us to learn in our lives, in this life before we meet you face to face.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Antisocial personalities - cancer to the human nature?
I have had a frustrating day with unable to feel sympathetic towards antisocial personalities. Recently, 'antisocial personalities' have dominated my mind for a bit... I guess it's because I am not lack of contact of it recently - on tv and at work etc.
It is hard to believe anybody is able to be so self righteous and self centred. As if that is just the way it should be and why do you people keep thinking I am wrong. I fear slightly for myself as I am about to move into an area full with psychopaths and sociopaths at work this year. It's horrible the stories I have heard, not that I can tell anyone about them and if I did it would scare the hell out of anybody.
I laugh at myself for putting myself into a work setting where it is probably only a notch down from working as medic on a war zone. Colleagues of mine had been injured before too even through I know they are well respected by the clients they see. Working in that setting to come is going to be testing of what I am taught through my formal training as a therapist and as a person who had been brought up in a Eastern culture of compassion and love of the Budha.
Sometimes you just want to tell them 'come on, get yourself together... stop feeling sorry for yourself you are not winning with me!'... I wonder what has psychiatry turn me into? I like psych because it challenges your reality everyday every moment, it challenges your idea of normality and society all the time but at times I wish for the simplicity and unquestionableness of what to do in physical therapy settings.
Do I go for where it is easier to flow or do I struggle for what may potentially be fruitful? For a big part of my life it had never been a question worth thinking - of course I will struggle till my last breath for what I think is right or I should do... when reality is multiple in versions and perspectives, can I really do so sure anymore?
It is hard to believe anybody is able to be so self righteous and self centred. As if that is just the way it should be and why do you people keep thinking I am wrong. I fear slightly for myself as I am about to move into an area full with psychopaths and sociopaths at work this year. It's horrible the stories I have heard, not that I can tell anyone about them and if I did it would scare the hell out of anybody.
I laugh at myself for putting myself into a work setting where it is probably only a notch down from working as medic on a war zone. Colleagues of mine had been injured before too even through I know they are well respected by the clients they see. Working in that setting to come is going to be testing of what I am taught through my formal training as a therapist and as a person who had been brought up in a Eastern culture of compassion and love of the Budha.
Sometimes you just want to tell them 'come on, get yourself together... stop feeling sorry for yourself you are not winning with me!'... I wonder what has psychiatry turn me into? I like psych because it challenges your reality everyday every moment, it challenges your idea of normality and society all the time but at times I wish for the simplicity and unquestionableness of what to do in physical therapy settings.
Do I go for where it is easier to flow or do I struggle for what may potentially be fruitful? For a big part of my life it had never been a question worth thinking - of course I will struggle till my last breath for what I think is right or I should do... when reality is multiple in versions and perspectives, can I really do so sure anymore?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Day one at the Silk Road lecture series of 3
I was amazed by the level of enthusiasm there was for the silk road - it was one of the biggest lecture hall you can find in the university and it was FULL of old people (and yes they were mostly Europeans).
As I listen to the expert (the teacher) talk about things and places and people that I had known since I was a child, I felt ashamed of not knowing more about my own country - my motherland!!! It filled me with quite a bit of sadness to see in one picture from the thousand budha caves that foreigners from the west (possibly a missionary) were given the equal (or at least high) honour of being drew as a close follower of the Budha. It sadden me to think that diverse people used to be that nice to one another - what happened to us? Why all these division now while our ancestors had find ways of getting along? God, where did we go wrong?
I have heard the lecturer saying that invaluable books from a library cave in the thousand budha caves were sold to a foreigner as a way to raise funds to maintain it while Chinese information suggested they were stolen. It sadden me that the truth is so hard to find - perhaps it was a bit of both? Or it was bought at first and then stolen when people wanted more pieces of China?
God, Budha, the almighty being high above; teach us to get along again - please do not let us to forget the humanity that we need to see in each other... I pray that we see the humanity in others and see ourselves in it through our actions
As I listen to the expert (the teacher) talk about things and places and people that I had known since I was a child, I felt ashamed of not knowing more about my own country - my motherland!!! It filled me with quite a bit of sadness to see in one picture from the thousand budha caves that foreigners from the west (possibly a missionary) were given the equal (or at least high) honour of being drew as a close follower of the Budha. It sadden me to think that diverse people used to be that nice to one another - what happened to us? Why all these division now while our ancestors had find ways of getting along? God, where did we go wrong?
I have heard the lecturer saying that invaluable books from a library cave in the thousand budha caves were sold to a foreigner as a way to raise funds to maintain it while Chinese information suggested they were stolen. It sadden me that the truth is so hard to find - perhaps it was a bit of both? Or it was bought at first and then stolen when people wanted more pieces of China?
God, Budha, the almighty being high above; teach us to get along again - please do not let us to forget the humanity that we need to see in each other... I pray that we see the humanity in others and see ourselves in it through our actions
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