I just came out of a telephonic interview with a special school. I am fed up with people undermining me cos' i dont really speak afrikaans.
I really think how much they believe in the children can be reflected on how much they would believe in me... esp in line with beethoven, churchill and einstein, as well as natalie du toit and terence parkin who are both local disabled persons who are olympics medalist in swimming.
Beethoven was deaf yet he made the most beautiful music,
Churchill had stuttering problems yet he was and still is one of the most influential politician in the 20th century,
Einstein was dyslexic yet contributed so much advance knowledge for our understanding of maths and science,
Natalie Du Toit, who in spite of having lost one leg; yet still a great swimmer in the olympics and faster than most competitive "normal" swimmers!!!!
it is about focusing on the ability NOT the bloody disability!! Gosh, therapist like us are suppose to take this to heart!! of course we all have strengthes and shortcomings...!! it's about maxmising on strengths and minimizing the effect of our shortcomings!!! Why cant people see it?!?!?!
I am very fed up now cos' they always ask about this... I may be "disabled" in one way, however I am enabled with another skills to overcome and compensate for my shortcomings, I live and cope no matter what...can u see that i am coping working in a place where i dont speak the language, i cope by using family members, staffs, other patients and of course my body/sign language to communicate with my patients and clients...
Sigh~~ when will there be someone who see this? Gosh if I think I was discriminated, I really wonder how people with disabilities are discriminated against... Sigh~~~
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Thank you for the opportunity
Thank you for the growing opportunity
I would like to thank the creator in this trying time for the opportunity for personal growth and strengthen my character. This is my attempt to remain positive in a very hard struggle.
It has been such an uneasy week for me. My house has been broken into twice, I had my first ever job interview ever with the result of not being called back for any further follow up on possibly getting the job while watching other friend getting all these interviews, I had patient care ethical issues of other medical team members to fight with and I had anxiety and stress from having found a job that I would really love yet wondering if people would employ me for it. Above all and happening parallelly, I am scared of not able to find employment and having to also perform a very hard splint on Monday which I need reading up on this weekend.
I am fortunate in the sense that I am suddenly hit with enlightment and able to be mindful and reflective in the situation. I realize this is the exact point of my last straw previously as a student where I would become so emotionally burnt out that I end up not performing and shinning my true colors. God, I want to stop this! I want to stop feeling everything is out of control and it’s a bad reflection of me if I cant control it. I realize how I seem to have place my self worth and my self value on a scale that I have not control over up to this point in my life. I was equaling my self worth to achievements and successes of the material world which has always been something I don’t like anyways!!! (Yes, me out of all people who hated material stuff!!!)
I know I need to be different this time. I need to be able to rise above this all. In fact, I need to detach my self value from this rat race and achieve calmness… to have the knowledge that “even if I don’t get a job offer to work as an OT right now, it doesn’t mean I am a bad person and a shit OT.” But how do I do this, I sit here 4h30 in the morning thinking…… I know this is the opportunity to learn a very difficult life lesson. But how? But how do I do this, God?
Do I just keep on positive thinking about….
“no, Anita; you are a great person and a great OT” or
“ You knew the stuff and you did show them to the best of your ability that you knew your stuff. But nobody can possibly know everything, come on; you are not God!!” or
“ You have the skills to be a great OT but maybe there’s something beyond skills that is beyond your own control that they are looking for (well in SA; how about the fact that I may be the wrong colour for BEE??)
Or is there something else I can do??
*** HERE ‘s MY BIT OF SELF CONVERSATION
Anita, you need to remember good things about yourself. Yes you are not the most experienced OT around here and that you don’t know everything there is to know about a certain aspect of your work. But you are knowledge thirsty and you are so keen to learn and to become better; it makes you the greatest candidate to become a good OT!!! May I remind you everything has its time? Now, this is the time you learn this NB life lesson; failure doesn’t equals to “I am a bad person”. Something not working is not always a negative reflection on your abilities. Anita, god helps us; you got to know that you are not that bad!! Most of all and let me count:
- you care so much about your patients and you do not give up on them.
- You listen to them and their families, you are able to give client centred treatments.
- You will take the initiative to learn and research to improve yourself
- You hold yourself accountable for the quality of treatment you are giving to patients. (and I think it is more often the case that you do not let yourself off the hook when it’s not your fault.)
- You are creative and adaptive, you do freak out but you always return to face the challenge. It is a rare occasion should you run and you don’t come back.
- You are reflective and you able to pick up your own shortcomings. You try to do your best in preventing it from happening in the future.
What I am asking you to do this time differently is to not going into the “shit, I don’t know and let me run to a safe place counsel myself and come back to deal with it”. This time, Anita; try facing it, try not to run. Acknowledge the fact that you are scared and what you are dealing with is un-humanly difficult but everyone go through some of them while other issues are just unique and you are one of the few that are dealing with it. And WOW, think about what faith the creator has in you to trust you to deal with it on his/her behalf… honey, you are answering people’s prayers everyday!! I want you to come out more confident, I want you to be able to say “well, the loss is not only mine if they don’t employ me” and to keep in faith to the knowledge that “the right job will come at the right time” and be patient with it while your environment work itself around you. I don’t want to see you breaking down to tears like tonight in the feeling of extreme nerves and anxiety but to cry acknowledging it is difficult to be where you are in your situation then go and move on.
Anita, don’t give up…. I don’t meant don’t give up in “fighting” but I mean don’t give up on yourself and start running away from the challenge. Don’t lose a battle that is not even fought yet! Don’t give up hope and don’t give into anxiety. Have faith in yourself, there is NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING wrong with you. Lastly, don’t blame yourself for things not happening or going your way.
God, help me to change what I can
accept what I cannot and
to have the mind to be able to tell the difference between the two.
I would like to thank the creator in this trying time for the opportunity for personal growth and strengthen my character. This is my attempt to remain positive in a very hard struggle.
It has been such an uneasy week for me. My house has been broken into twice, I had my first ever job interview ever with the result of not being called back for any further follow up on possibly getting the job while watching other friend getting all these interviews, I had patient care ethical issues of other medical team members to fight with and I had anxiety and stress from having found a job that I would really love yet wondering if people would employ me for it. Above all and happening parallelly, I am scared of not able to find employment and having to also perform a very hard splint on Monday which I need reading up on this weekend.
I am fortunate in the sense that I am suddenly hit with enlightment and able to be mindful and reflective in the situation. I realize this is the exact point of my last straw previously as a student where I would become so emotionally burnt out that I end up not performing and shinning my true colors. God, I want to stop this! I want to stop feeling everything is out of control and it’s a bad reflection of me if I cant control it. I realize how I seem to have place my self worth and my self value on a scale that I have not control over up to this point in my life. I was equaling my self worth to achievements and successes of the material world which has always been something I don’t like anyways!!! (Yes, me out of all people who hated material stuff!!!)
I know I need to be different this time. I need to be able to rise above this all. In fact, I need to detach my self value from this rat race and achieve calmness… to have the knowledge that “even if I don’t get a job offer to work as an OT right now, it doesn’t mean I am a bad person and a shit OT.” But how do I do this, I sit here 4h30 in the morning thinking…… I know this is the opportunity to learn a very difficult life lesson. But how? But how do I do this, God?
Do I just keep on positive thinking about….
“no, Anita; you are a great person and a great OT” or
“ You knew the stuff and you did show them to the best of your ability that you knew your stuff. But nobody can possibly know everything, come on; you are not God!!” or
“ You have the skills to be a great OT but maybe there’s something beyond skills that is beyond your own control that they are looking for (well in SA; how about the fact that I may be the wrong colour for BEE??)
Or is there something else I can do??
*** HERE ‘s MY BIT OF SELF CONVERSATION
Anita, you need to remember good things about yourself. Yes you are not the most experienced OT around here and that you don’t know everything there is to know about a certain aspect of your work. But you are knowledge thirsty and you are so keen to learn and to become better; it makes you the greatest candidate to become a good OT!!! May I remind you everything has its time? Now, this is the time you learn this NB life lesson; failure doesn’t equals to “I am a bad person”. Something not working is not always a negative reflection on your abilities. Anita, god helps us; you got to know that you are not that bad!! Most of all and let me count:
- you care so much about your patients and you do not give up on them.
- You listen to them and their families, you are able to give client centred treatments.
- You will take the initiative to learn and research to improve yourself
- You hold yourself accountable for the quality of treatment you are giving to patients. (and I think it is more often the case that you do not let yourself off the hook when it’s not your fault.)
- You are creative and adaptive, you do freak out but you always return to face the challenge. It is a rare occasion should you run and you don’t come back.
- You are reflective and you able to pick up your own shortcomings. You try to do your best in preventing it from happening in the future.
What I am asking you to do this time differently is to not going into the “shit, I don’t know and let me run to a safe place counsel myself and come back to deal with it”. This time, Anita; try facing it, try not to run. Acknowledge the fact that you are scared and what you are dealing with is un-humanly difficult but everyone go through some of them while other issues are just unique and you are one of the few that are dealing with it. And WOW, think about what faith the creator has in you to trust you to deal with it on his/her behalf… honey, you are answering people’s prayers everyday!! I want you to come out more confident, I want you to be able to say “well, the loss is not only mine if they don’t employ me” and to keep in faith to the knowledge that “the right job will come at the right time” and be patient with it while your environment work itself around you. I don’t want to see you breaking down to tears like tonight in the feeling of extreme nerves and anxiety but to cry acknowledging it is difficult to be where you are in your situation then go and move on.
Anita, don’t give up…. I don’t meant don’t give up in “fighting” but I mean don’t give up on yourself and start running away from the challenge. Don’t lose a battle that is not even fought yet! Don’t give up hope and don’t give into anxiety. Have faith in yourself, there is NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING wrong with you. Lastly, don’t blame yourself for things not happening or going your way.
God, help me to change what I can
accept what I cannot and
to have the mind to be able to tell the difference between the two.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Let me be the channel of your peace
God I have seen so much suffering in my journey, it is hard to not get hurt from witnessing it through listening to the crippling screams from the suffered.
Let me be the channel of your peace so that I may bring light where darkness swallows souls and I may bring joy and hope to the sad and hopeless. God, I know how childish of a thought it is of mine wanting to put a stop to suffering. I know I am childish and I know I am naïve, but as a child I hope in faith that I will be granted with this gift. This is because I am only human, I cannot and am not capable to love the way you do. Neither am I able to be the ultimate observer that watches mankind destroys itself yet be uninvolved that Buddha suggests. I am of this world and am part of it, its movement has an impact on me no matter how still I try to remain.
And yes as naïve as I am, I believe I understand your love… Your love in the parent role, the ability and patience to watch men goes on making mistakes when they exercise their “free will”. To be able to hold the hurt, anger and hostility as they curse you, hold you responsible and blame you for their foolish acts. God, you are so fair that you are so cruel!! God, you are so full of love that you are so cold-hearted!! I know many will be puzzled at my statements about you, but I am not. It is hard to explain how I feel this so deeply about you, how I know you in an abstract yet real way. God, teach me to be more human so that I will not try to strive to be you because it is not possible. Buddha grant me the enlightment to be able to be the lotus that grows from dirty soils so I may “be” amongst the ordinary fellow humans.
Pls note that my idea of God is going to be very different from yours. My God is of a philosophy nature not of religion. I am perhaps yet to be saved in some’s opinions but I am none the less spiritual…a lot more spiritual than many and many think I am. And to understand my background where west mean east, this is why I cannot have a God from a religious nature where any one of “God” and “Buddha” may be excluded as an idol. For me, the ultimate truth is love…… Love is what makes my world real, it is my truth and my reality.
Let me be the channel of your peace so that I may bring light where darkness swallows souls and I may bring joy and hope to the sad and hopeless. God, I know how childish of a thought it is of mine wanting to put a stop to suffering. I know I am childish and I know I am naïve, but as a child I hope in faith that I will be granted with this gift. This is because I am only human, I cannot and am not capable to love the way you do. Neither am I able to be the ultimate observer that watches mankind destroys itself yet be uninvolved that Buddha suggests. I am of this world and am part of it, its movement has an impact on me no matter how still I try to remain.
And yes as naïve as I am, I believe I understand your love… Your love in the parent role, the ability and patience to watch men goes on making mistakes when they exercise their “free will”. To be able to hold the hurt, anger and hostility as they curse you, hold you responsible and blame you for their foolish acts. God, you are so fair that you are so cruel!! God, you are so full of love that you are so cold-hearted!! I know many will be puzzled at my statements about you, but I am not. It is hard to explain how I feel this so deeply about you, how I know you in an abstract yet real way. God, teach me to be more human so that I will not try to strive to be you because it is not possible. Buddha grant me the enlightment to be able to be the lotus that grows from dirty soils so I may “be” amongst the ordinary fellow humans.
Pls note that my idea of God is going to be very different from yours. My God is of a philosophy nature not of religion. I am perhaps yet to be saved in some’s opinions but I am none the less spiritual…a lot more spiritual than many and many think I am. And to understand my background where west mean east, this is why I cannot have a God from a religious nature where any one of “God” and “Buddha” may be excluded as an idol. For me, the ultimate truth is love…… Love is what makes my world real, it is my truth and my reality.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Truth
Truth is a pizzle
Truth is a pizzle
A pizzle that lefts many confused and more pizzled
Every man think they got the "ulimate truth"
Yet to find out, one day
That they only hold a piece of the truth
You know it takes alot to see
Past that colours on your one piece
to see that other pieces exists!!
Truth is a pizzle
A pizzle that lefts many confused and more pizzled
Every man think they got the "ulimate truth"
Yet to find out, one day
That they only hold a piece of the truth
You know it takes alot to see
Past that colours on your one piece
to see that other pieces exists!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
counting positive things...2 weeks ago
Counting the good things that happens in this week
This “accounting” work is getting harder and harder as I sit in the office during this 21 day public servant strike as there is no stimulation from the outside world much at all. Although that’s the case, but I am still determined to count; no matter how difficult it may be……
I guess my relationship with the people in my department has improved a lot, at least I do not dislike anybody for any reasons at the moment. It is such a blessing to work for my boss Jenny, who I believe; has sheltered us from a big portion of the emotional damage this strike can have on us. It is great to know there is someone in the world that “rules” not by authority!! Should I one day become a manager of some kind myself; I want to be like her.
The other blessing that is linked to my department was that I have finally found a contact in the UK about going aboard and working there as an OT. I hope something good will comes of this young relationship too. I am very exciting about going overseas (once again, don’t forget I been overseas for 10 years now). However it saddens me that I have to leave my family in RSA when I go. I think there is really some degree of truth in what people says when they say “once you leave home, you will realize that your family was nicer than you think they were”.
And it is right, I have found that – I called my dad to wish him a happy father’s day last Sunday. He said something that he does not say frequently and very unlikely in person, he said to me “I will support your choice about next year whatever you decide on, but don’t forget my offer (he can easily work for another 6months and fund my 2 years masters)”. It is just touching to finally get to know the loving part of my father; I think it was the most wonderful father’s day gift I had ever received as a daughter.
Family related, I am finally feeling that I am kind of ready to marry Aaron. It is very heart warming being with him this weekend: D. And it wasn’t like anything very hopelessly romantic happened over the weekend. We went on walks and talked about God, we went to Chinese restaurant and had lunch there eating dumplings laughing out loud. I am so touched at how he attempts to love me the way I love…I found a little chocolate hiding in the back packet of my bag at work on Monday morning
Oh yes, I found a lot of very important things in life last weekend. Besides family and future family, I also found my God. I have decided that my God do not belong to any religion but is a philosophy. My God is an observer and a listener – my God watches over me. My God do not believe in giving people blessings or punishments, as he/she knows that I am capable of counting my own blessings or punishing myself cos’ I was given morality. Therefore he/she does not get happy or angry or upset when I do something “right” or “wrong”. My God has no need to forgive or to judge, cos’ he/she simply watches me and walks with me in life. I feel so freed by this idea— this idea that God does not control myself and God is not responsible for my problems, I somehow felt my burden was lighter when I think of this.
This “accounting” work is getting harder and harder as I sit in the office during this 21 day public servant strike as there is no stimulation from the outside world much at all. Although that’s the case, but I am still determined to count; no matter how difficult it may be……
I guess my relationship with the people in my department has improved a lot, at least I do not dislike anybody for any reasons at the moment. It is such a blessing to work for my boss Jenny, who I believe; has sheltered us from a big portion of the emotional damage this strike can have on us. It is great to know there is someone in the world that “rules” not by authority!! Should I one day become a manager of some kind myself; I want to be like her.
The other blessing that is linked to my department was that I have finally found a contact in the UK about going aboard and working there as an OT. I hope something good will comes of this young relationship too. I am very exciting about going overseas (once again, don’t forget I been overseas for 10 years now). However it saddens me that I have to leave my family in RSA when I go. I think there is really some degree of truth in what people says when they say “once you leave home, you will realize that your family was nicer than you think they were”.
And it is right, I have found that – I called my dad to wish him a happy father’s day last Sunday. He said something that he does not say frequently and very unlikely in person, he said to me “I will support your choice about next year whatever you decide on, but don’t forget my offer (he can easily work for another 6months and fund my 2 years masters)”. It is just touching to finally get to know the loving part of my father; I think it was the most wonderful father’s day gift I had ever received as a daughter.
Family related, I am finally feeling that I am kind of ready to marry Aaron. It is very heart warming being with him this weekend: D. And it wasn’t like anything very hopelessly romantic happened over the weekend. We went on walks and talked about God, we went to Chinese restaurant and had lunch there eating dumplings laughing out loud. I am so touched at how he attempts to love me the way I love…I found a little chocolate hiding in the back packet of my bag at work on Monday morning
Oh yes, I found a lot of very important things in life last weekend. Besides family and future family, I also found my God. I have decided that my God do not belong to any religion but is a philosophy. My God is an observer and a listener – my God watches over me. My God do not believe in giving people blessings or punishments, as he/she knows that I am capable of counting my own blessings or punishing myself cos’ I was given morality. Therefore he/she does not get happy or angry or upset when I do something “right” or “wrong”. My God has no need to forgive or to judge, cos’ he/she simply watches me and walks with me in life. I feel so freed by this idea— this idea that God does not control myself and God is not responsible for my problems, I somehow felt my burden was lighter when I think of this.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Positive things that happened Last week
Positive things that had happened last week:
As I have promise myself, I wanted to write about positive things in daily life more these days to help myself feel less depressed; so here I am counting my blessings.
But first I want to acknowledge how scary it really is to experience a strike in action. One never know where to turn or what to do to keep oneself out of trouble yet upholding one’s morality and ethics. It is a very hard decision to make. This week, I was faced with an ethical dilemma as the strike begins. While higher governmental employees are getting an increase of salary at a sickening rate, people on the ground level were offered a merely 6.5% (a so called inflation in lined rate). I can fully understand and agree why people should and would strike!! Yet as a health professional, it is illegal and unethical for us to be striking. This places us in a situation of “we vs. them”. The health professional are the “them” who go against the crowd, hence we are in danger. But on the other hand, how can I watch patient die if the strike gets out of hand? It really was a very hard decision to make…should I risk myself to help or not? It had been fortunate that nothing of very destructive nature is happening… We are really lucky until otherwise proven.
To begin with counting my blessings this week: There were 4 very heart warming incidences that happened to me this week. The first three were on Tuesday when I was at CHC clinic doing my job.
1) A mother expressed her concern and worries about “will there be nice people like you at the hospital? The people in the hospital don’t care as much as you did. Thank you.” It was very touching for me, for once; my service was well appreciated and I can sense that this mom will go home and do the home exercise programs I have demonstrate to her with her child.
2) An old lady in a wheelchair who had a long history of CVA had been really depressed. She came in for the 2nd time to see me, she asked me “doctor, am I going to be okay?” with her fearful eyes that shouts out to me for comfort and reassurance. I had to be firm and real yet caring, so I said to her “Mama, I am afraid that your stroke is going to stay pretty much the same as it is.” She replied, “I know doctor, I know that my body is old and it does not heal so well anymore.” I felt her last hope fading, I had to instill hope in her so I attempted, “Mama but God has not forgotten you, look at what a great family you have got. Look how much your daughter cares about you, God is still with you.” That moment, our eyes met and we connected. This had touched me deeply and I think this moment will always be remembered by me or perhaps her as well.
3) Lastly, with a gentlemen that is there to see us for the 2nd time with his daughter. The same complain from his daughter persisted, “he don’t do nothing, he swears at us and don’t cooperates.” But something told me that I saw the picture differently, because of the way he looks confused when we speak. I really felt sorry for him for getting into trouble with the OT students previously— he was so misunderstood!! At the end, what it was is that his hearing aid had broken so he cannot hear what you said to him and therefore he does not understand what is required of him which makes him look uncooperative. I was angry with the family but yet understood that his daughter must have been feeling tired and burnt out for looking after him while others in the family do not help much at all.
The positive moment came when Dini (my rotation supervisor) said to me “Anita, it was really sharp of you to have picked that up.” My reward for being quiet and quite an observer had finally come. After all, it is not all that bad to be an introvert who can sense and feel for others more easily. I felt that finally, in a world of extroverts (or pro-extroverts); being an introvert has its values and place.
The last one came in yesterday evening while I was queuing at the ATM for cash, a colleague that was due to leave for a HOD post in Joburg came queuing behind me. We chatted after we got our money and he asked my plans for next year. After I told him honestly about my plans, he said to me “well if my hospital had a post open, would you consider it?” I thought to myself, “wow! What a compliment in disgust!”. Despite we have not known each other for that long, he thought I was a good person to work with. It meant a lot to me that the world does not think about me the way I thought they would. Some people actually values me and likes me.
I know here I may sound like a depressive patient in a ward and I admit that my self esteem is not that great ever since I didn’t get into medicine. Further, I doubt myself a lot, not only because I am not the most confident person in the world but because I believe that I am much more all-seeing and observant than most so I want to be and am humble.
As I have promise myself, I wanted to write about positive things in daily life more these days to help myself feel less depressed; so here I am counting my blessings.
But first I want to acknowledge how scary it really is to experience a strike in action. One never know where to turn or what to do to keep oneself out of trouble yet upholding one’s morality and ethics. It is a very hard decision to make. This week, I was faced with an ethical dilemma as the strike begins. While higher governmental employees are getting an increase of salary at a sickening rate, people on the ground level were offered a merely 6.5% (a so called inflation in lined rate). I can fully understand and agree why people should and would strike!! Yet as a health professional, it is illegal and unethical for us to be striking. This places us in a situation of “we vs. them”. The health professional are the “them” who go against the crowd, hence we are in danger. But on the other hand, how can I watch patient die if the strike gets out of hand? It really was a very hard decision to make…should I risk myself to help or not? It had been fortunate that nothing of very destructive nature is happening… We are really lucky until otherwise proven.
To begin with counting my blessings this week: There were 4 very heart warming incidences that happened to me this week. The first three were on Tuesday when I was at CHC clinic doing my job.
1) A mother expressed her concern and worries about “will there be nice people like you at the hospital? The people in the hospital don’t care as much as you did. Thank you.” It was very touching for me, for once; my service was well appreciated and I can sense that this mom will go home and do the home exercise programs I have demonstrate to her with her child.
2) An old lady in a wheelchair who had a long history of CVA had been really depressed. She came in for the 2nd time to see me, she asked me “doctor, am I going to be okay?” with her fearful eyes that shouts out to me for comfort and reassurance. I had to be firm and real yet caring, so I said to her “Mama, I am afraid that your stroke is going to stay pretty much the same as it is.” She replied, “I know doctor, I know that my body is old and it does not heal so well anymore.” I felt her last hope fading, I had to instill hope in her so I attempted, “Mama but God has not forgotten you, look at what a great family you have got. Look how much your daughter cares about you, God is still with you.” That moment, our eyes met and we connected. This had touched me deeply and I think this moment will always be remembered by me or perhaps her as well.
3) Lastly, with a gentlemen that is there to see us for the 2nd time with his daughter. The same complain from his daughter persisted, “he don’t do nothing, he swears at us and don’t cooperates.” But something told me that I saw the picture differently, because of the way he looks confused when we speak. I really felt sorry for him for getting into trouble with the OT students previously— he was so misunderstood!! At the end, what it was is that his hearing aid had broken so he cannot hear what you said to him and therefore he does not understand what is required of him which makes him look uncooperative. I was angry with the family but yet understood that his daughter must have been feeling tired and burnt out for looking after him while others in the family do not help much at all.
The positive moment came when Dini (my rotation supervisor) said to me “Anita, it was really sharp of you to have picked that up.” My reward for being quiet and quite an observer had finally come. After all, it is not all that bad to be an introvert who can sense and feel for others more easily. I felt that finally, in a world of extroverts (or pro-extroverts); being an introvert has its values and place.
The last one came in yesterday evening while I was queuing at the ATM for cash, a colleague that was due to leave for a HOD post in Joburg came queuing behind me. We chatted after we got our money and he asked my plans for next year. After I told him honestly about my plans, he said to me “well if my hospital had a post open, would you consider it?” I thought to myself, “wow! What a compliment in disgust!”. Despite we have not known each other for that long, he thought I was a good person to work with. It meant a lot to me that the world does not think about me the way I thought they would. Some people actually values me and likes me.
I know here I may sound like a depressive patient in a ward and I admit that my self esteem is not that great ever since I didn’t get into medicine. Further, I doubt myself a lot, not only because I am not the most confident person in the world but because I believe that I am much more all-seeing and observant than most so I want to be and am humble.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Looking at the world differently
Last night, I was helping Aaron's mum Bridgid to "entertain" 14 students from the US that had come to South Africa to travel and do their practical for 8 weeks. We had a discussion group, Bridgid introduced the opening question "what is news worthy about today will you tell your grandchildren about your experience today in RSA?".
As they have visited the Freedom musemum and the constritutional cournt in joburg, alot of their experience related to their experience of visiting these places. We discussed about connecting sincererly with others in order to be human in spite of living in complete equality in such a diversed human race is not possible as the difference are very big. I couldn't help to think and wonder " is it really not possible? is peace really an ideology or a possible reality in the distant future?"
What had come out for me in this discussion was not about the students' experiences but the importantce to hold onto positive experiences and stories in our daily lives in order not to become depressed or negative about the world and mankind like I do alot in my writing on this blog page. It is clearly not helping me wanting to be positive while I continue to thinking too much about very little things.
I think today is a good day to start becoming more positive and records what positive expereince I have had in my daily life that was significant to me!
As they have visited the Freedom musemum and the constritutional cournt in joburg, alot of their experience related to their experience of visiting these places. We discussed about connecting sincererly with others in order to be human in spite of living in complete equality in such a diversed human race is not possible as the difference are very big. I couldn't help to think and wonder " is it really not possible? is peace really an ideology or a possible reality in the distant future?"
What had come out for me in this discussion was not about the students' experiences but the importantce to hold onto positive experiences and stories in our daily lives in order not to become depressed or negative about the world and mankind like I do alot in my writing on this blog page. It is clearly not helping me wanting to be positive while I continue to thinking too much about very little things.
I think today is a good day to start becoming more positive and records what positive expereince I have had in my daily life that was significant to me!
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