We have just had a house warming party at our house in Witbank last Wednesday, and I remember feeling how different I feel from some of the other people that were present there at my party. There is this one group who gotten themselve rather drunk and vague. From seeing that in front of my eyes, suddenly I sense my mind froozed and took a snap shoot of the scene in front of my eyes and I began to examine inwards on this question I have always struggled with: "why can I never fit in with others? Why do I have to feel the emptyiness inside me when I watch them having drunken fun despite that I never had wanted to have such kind of fun under influrence anyways?"
I remembered myself saying to myself "this year, 2007; I want to meet more people, have somemore fun cos' I am not at home and mix with people whom I dont necessarily think they are my type of friends potentials". But this froozen snap shoot in my brain is protesting against my wish to meet people and some wild fun. It is in fact telling me the following after reflection:
1) There are so so many kinds of people in the world, and I cannot like them all.
2) I acknowledged that "yes, I wanted it" but it really isn't what I needed. I am just not the kind of people that is able to allow myself to be totally drunk in others' party, make a fool of myself and call that FUN! I am unable to allow myself, additionaly I do not rely on that to have fun.
3) It has been very hard to be so different to others around me throughout my life and some of the times I really wanted just to fit in rather than put up a fight. But it is seeing these bunch that symbolise the kind of people that makes me feel gulity for being different finally allows me to be at peace and say to myself "well, it is okay that I am different; I am in fact glad that I am not the same as they are."
In a way, I know I felt their emptyiness and was sad for them; but on personally level, I am relieved and glad that I am not like them. My life journey is no longer about trying to have their kind of fun and be like them, however from hereon, it will be about to accept and love my own uniqueness more than I had ever before.
Let me come to terms with myself and the person I am, that there is only one me in this world. I am not unique for no reason!!
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In fact, I realise that although I am different but I am not alone. It is funny how it works out; I think all my "Lerato's" (decs mates) are similar like myself.
It is comforting to know there is this other group where I comfortably belong that is the "different" bunch
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