The secret is out!

So the secret is out, apparently the community claims that they know that I have been dating a white guy for a long time. And on top of that, it is congrat as a great move to compensate for my "chinese-english" (chinese style english, i.e. as in your english is not good enough) by a certain arrgonant ex-university goer ("Mr. Z") in the community.

God, I think; I have the right to feel anger, is that correct and ok with You? I wanted to scream "f*** off, it is none of your S***'s business!!!!" What is with you guys? I know, for a long time; society does not allow people to step out of their line easily and I know I have been doing just it all along in all these years. And I know, one day; the "punishment" will come in forms of nasty comments like this. God, please teach me how to walk on waters and not sink cos' they are trying to push me down!! I am trying to get a hold on myself so i dont drown in their saliva. Although, on the other hand; I am amazed at the creativity in making the connections between all my actions in a way that I cannot even imagine myself and of course never thought of.

Let me ask my infamous question again: "why is there so little love in the world that it doesn't go round???" Why the criticism and why the shoulder and nasty voice?? Am I a sore in your eyes so much that you feel a certain irritation which is the cause of your nastiness? God, why are you sending me to find an answer to this impossible question? The interesting thing was that I was just exactly scared of myself becoming like Mr. Z over the weekend. I know I have made comments about the "other part of society", "those bunch" etc. I would like to hereby make myself remember this, remember this arrogances and avoid it!

Mr. Z has always displayed unwelcomed criticism of others and send off the signals that others are not on his level(of education, i guess in his case). It is so easy to do exactly what Mr. Z is doing, cos' we can. Cos' we are "highly educated" and "more intelligent" or "morally more correct" and better than "those natives/less civialised". I do understand that in his days, going to university is rare and it puts you on a pretty throne if you went to it. Like I said to my mum, "well, I guess everyone has the right to be proud of their own achievements, but over-proudness is a personally choice. It is up to the one possessing the power/knowledge to decide how proud they want themselves to be with their achievements and we can do nothing but respects it as much as we humanily possibly can". However, I do condemn being so proud of yourself that you think the whole worlds are full of stupid people. If you are happy with yourself, God knows my heart that I am happy for you too. But if you are so happy with yourself that you think I am not as good as you are then I am sorry to say that I cannot deal with you. WHAT AN ARROGANT PRICK is this to think I date a white guy to compensate for my poor english?!!?! I find this way of equaling my love life with my level of english really odd. Esp. the laughable thing is that my level of ability to write these letters that he is basing his measurements are much higher than many youngsters that I know. And besides, what is wrong with it?? As long as I get my point across and it is working for me, how dare you to JUDGE me?

This is where I fear no death, cos' I believe in God for this one... I believe God would judge me fairly and I have got nothing to be ashammed of. How dare you Mr. Z for judging me like that?! How dare you community for trying to punish me for being myself and that happens to be different from the majority of you??! What is wrong in your eyes that I love to live my life the way I live it and yet I am helping others in my daily life not harming anybody?

God, this is going to take me awhile to calm down again about... cos' this is not right!!! How dare they to judge me and they themselves are not perfect!