Farewell my uncle... you will be remembered...

"Gods, they play us like flies..." (from King Lear), is life really this vulnerable that it will disappear whenever where ever?

Just like years ago, my parents got a phonecall...a call from overseas... from the home at 'home'

"No..you cant be servious.. No..that really sounds bad... I cannot believe this... No this cannot be true"

From the tone of voice of my dad and the words he says, through I do not know what the problem is but I knew bad news is on its way.
And this time......, it's my uncle (my dad's 2nd elder younger brother)...he passed away in his sleep just moments ago.
... ... ... ... ... ... tick tick tick ... ... ... ... ... ... ... tick tick tick, time passes by before I can react

This is my uncle who was the well known principle in the village that always had a smile on his chubby face. He is a few years younger than my father and he was very very scared of the doctor, injections, pain and pills. I didn't know him well, I have not had much of a chance to know him... I was so looking forward to meeting them seeing them (including him) again when I get back to hk in the next month. And now, the chance is over.... I shall never know him again or more than that blurry imagine of him again......

That's a tiny hole in my heart slowing spreading... yes, I didn't know him well but he had a place in my heart. Now that he is gone, there is a empty hole there; of which, I do not know what to fill it with?!?! Saddness maybe? I am sad for my grandmother who had to see her son going before she does (and I think this was her favourite son). Scared also? I feel scared for my cousin (uncle's son) who now has to shoulder the responsiblity for his mother (and possibly grandmother) as the man heading the Ho's family (well effective as Tony or my dad is never there with them).

What should I do? What can we do? When I asked my dad, he just said let me call mum to go in to see but beyond that there isn't much. I am also worried for my dad who has to see his brother go before him. I want to comfort my dad but his mask defend him from my touch... I suppose I will let him alone for now and keep an eye on him.

God... why do you play us like flies?? Are we not your children whom you created and surely love? Yes I know and had feared it since I was ten years old that we will all die one day, but why so sudden...... Couldn't it wait until I was back to see him?? Alright call me selfish here, but im angry for being robbed of my chance to know him better than I did for the past 24 years of my life!!

My uncle, go well and go in peace. We will miss you no matter how little bit we will miss your presence amongst us......

27.5.08

Unemployment Day 1

It is just odd, this is my first official day of unemployment after I have quit my job last week (needed to give one week's notice). It is not as relaxing and calm or inactive as I hope to be.

Though I woke up later today (which is just so nice); I had been busy running around at university for different admin for the masters I am doing. Got home at 2h00pm, started to sort out some wedding stuff and is now waiting for the insurance guy to come (had just remembered I forgotten to call the bank@@)

With 9 days to go before my next exam assignment is in (HAVENT START IT YET!!! ARRRGGG), it looks like I will have a very busy time in unemployment. However, I am anxious about relocating work again which is makes me veery nervous again. I remember the last time I was looking for work, it was very unpleasant.

Anyways, looks like i can write my blog a little more frequently now for awhile till i am back on track.. Chao till next time:)

I am so fortunate/content!!

Hellooo Blog, it has been such a long while since I last wrote something on here. I was reading over what I wrote about previously and really started to say this within my heart that "I AM REALLY SO HAPPY, FORTUNATE AND CONTENT".

I am happy: I am happy for Natalie Du Toit when I saw the news about her getting to swim in the Olynamics 2008. I was so happy that I cried my eyes out when I saw the news!!! Nobody would believe me about the fact that she used to be a school friend of mine who sat next to me in biology classes. 3 cheers for Natalie!!! Natalie I am so so proud of you and you getting to swim in the Olynamics means alot to me. Not only because you were my friend but because what this means for people with disabilities/impairments when I think about this in my OT hat. No words can describe my joy and excitement on your news! :) Go go natalie, win some gold medals!!! You can do it!!

I am fortunate: despite I am under a lot of stress as a full time researcher at a major hospital in Cape Town for a NPO and studying part time masters and trying to get married in 2009, I can still say I am SO SO fortunate!! Just a week ago, I heard about someone else who's in my situation 10 times worse!! He is doing the same as me while paying off huge loan on two properties and raising a 8 months old baby and small family. Gosh~~ I shall never complain again in my life.

I am content: Through I am not somewhere in my life where I am happiest right now (esp in terms of work); I am happy that I have work and is able to support myself and husband-to-be while he's doing his full time PhD (oh yes, we are both nerds). Yes of course life can be better but hey; it's not so bad currently is it??

So thank you God (it's strange but I still call *you* God) for giving me the greatest skills to survive/adapt/enjoy life - positivity:)