Farewell my uncle... you will be remembered...

"Gods, they play us like flies..." (from King Lear), is life really this vulnerable that it will disappear whenever where ever?

Just like years ago, my parents got a phonecall...a call from overseas... from the home at 'home'

"No..you cant be servious.. No..that really sounds bad... I cannot believe this... No this cannot be true"

From the tone of voice of my dad and the words he says, through I do not know what the problem is but I knew bad news is on its way.
And this time......, it's my uncle (my dad's 2nd elder younger brother)...he passed away in his sleep just moments ago.
... ... ... ... ... ... tick tick tick ... ... ... ... ... ... ... tick tick tick, time passes by before I can react

This is my uncle who was the well known principle in the village that always had a smile on his chubby face. He is a few years younger than my father and he was very very scared of the doctor, injections, pain and pills. I didn't know him well, I have not had much of a chance to know him... I was so looking forward to meeting them seeing them (including him) again when I get back to hk in the next month. And now, the chance is over.... I shall never know him again or more than that blurry imagine of him again......

That's a tiny hole in my heart slowing spreading... yes, I didn't know him well but he had a place in my heart. Now that he is gone, there is a empty hole there; of which, I do not know what to fill it with?!?! Saddness maybe? I am sad for my grandmother who had to see her son going before she does (and I think this was her favourite son). Scared also? I feel scared for my cousin (uncle's son) who now has to shoulder the responsiblity for his mother (and possibly grandmother) as the man heading the Ho's family (well effective as Tony or my dad is never there with them).

What should I do? What can we do? When I asked my dad, he just said let me call mum to go in to see but beyond that there isn't much. I am also worried for my dad who has to see his brother go before him. I want to comfort my dad but his mask defend him from my touch... I suppose I will let him alone for now and keep an eye on him.

God... why do you play us like flies?? Are we not your children whom you created and surely love? Yes I know and had feared it since I was ten years old that we will all die one day, but why so sudden...... Couldn't it wait until I was back to see him?? Alright call me selfish here, but im angry for being robbed of my chance to know him better than I did for the past 24 years of my life!!

My uncle, go well and go in peace. We will miss you no matter how little bit we will miss your presence amongst us......

27.5.08