I had often wondered upon OTs seemingly denial of their involvements in spirituality at work, even through what I had observed today at work was not about the patients as such; spirituality as a topic is still very much a part of our lives as professions and as people.
During the usual breakfast scene in the morning, a friendly group of OTs sit together and have general conversation about life and everything. Speaking about attending a wedding, to how different cultures are, to how some people may compliant about living next to a religious worship place that are not of their own one making too much noise with their means of worshipping (e.g. praying or bell ringing). Came out of that was a beautiful example of what spirituality can do for people...... One of the OTs was describing a TV show that she had saw describing how prisoner in a miltary jail of another country were denied of their human rights to strave strike as they will force feed the prisoners. The prisoners tell of how their singing of prayers in their isolated cells together collectively was what kept them going and was their means of protest. The OTs listening were all from the same religion of these prisoners and the story teller drew silent, almost in acknowledgement of the power and almost as if that story also touched them.
As the observing person who is the only person not in the same religion/spiritual orientation, I felt the power of those prisoners prayers, the triumph of human spirit and ability to find meaning and create meaning in the most inhumane and unjust situation. I cried a silent tear in solidarity with them just like those colleagues who grew silent in acknowledgement of the same power.
What an amazing awakening at work!!! Spirituality is all around us... it is above us, within us and amongst us.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Occupational Therapy is a very spirited profession
Today I heard somebody saying that OTs are incredibly spiritual people - they hold on to something bigger because we can hardly identify completely with the purely 'simply magical powerful medicine' or 'science' or 'physiotherapy'.
I found this an interesting statement about OTs - we are about meaning, we want to help our clients do things that means to them. This make our pathways to health and wellbeing so different to other conventional health professionals - instead of 'intervening' to make them better, we believe in by doing and being in the basic everyday live activities and roles contributes to health. In fact, I think OTs find what is meaningful to themselves through helping others finding theirs in the everyday stuff.
What boggled my mind is this: if we are such a spiritual natured profession, why do we run from spirituality? Why is it that there are hardly anybody that is comfortable to just be in a therapeutic relationship with their client & feel their spirituality with them? Why are we afraid in challenging others (OTs, other HPs and clients) about the health giving and health damaging spiritual typed occupations?
OTs, you cannot run away from this mission that is yours!! You understand the link between meaning and spirituality as well as that with health, to be holistic in your work with the clients you have gotten; you got to deal with it!!
I found this an interesting statement about OTs - we are about meaning, we want to help our clients do things that means to them. This make our pathways to health and wellbeing so different to other conventional health professionals - instead of 'intervening' to make them better, we believe in by doing and being in the basic everyday live activities and roles contributes to health. In fact, I think OTs find what is meaningful to themselves through helping others finding theirs in the everyday stuff.
What boggled my mind is this: if we are such a spiritual natured profession, why do we run from spirituality? Why is it that there are hardly anybody that is comfortable to just be in a therapeutic relationship with their client & feel their spirituality with them? Why are we afraid in challenging others (OTs, other HPs and clients) about the health giving and health damaging spiritual typed occupations?
OTs, you cannot run away from this mission that is yours!! You understand the link between meaning and spirituality as well as that with health, to be holistic in your work with the clients you have gotten; you got to deal with it!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
'This is it'
Micheal Jackson's 'this is it'
Although I am and had never been a great MJ fan, however somehow I felt the need to say goodbye. Perhaps it is for the memories in which I was 10 and saw him on a Chinese newspaper where I thought he was a she.
Watching MJ in his 'this is it', I thought to myself; this 'isn't' it through... MJ you can and will live on amongst your family, friends and fans - those who loved and still love you. This isn't it and you don't have to say goodbye to us so quickly.
I truely admired MJ's hardwork - the sense of everything must be perfection and nothing less. There isn't that many of us out there who love their work this much - that none but perfection will do. Besides, who can dance like that while singing, acting and telling others want to do with their instruments and dance steps at 50? I am half his age and I am out of breath just walking up the stairs.
MJ, you are truely remarkable - it is sad that people like me only realise your brilliance when you are gone... Wherever you are, may you be in peace.
PS I actually have this thought of MJ doing the thriller for real and rocking some after life party with real skeletons :D
Although I am and had never been a great MJ fan, however somehow I felt the need to say goodbye. Perhaps it is for the memories in which I was 10 and saw him on a Chinese newspaper where I thought he was a she.
Watching MJ in his 'this is it', I thought to myself; this 'isn't' it through... MJ you can and will live on amongst your family, friends and fans - those who loved and still love you. This isn't it and you don't have to say goodbye to us so quickly.
I truely admired MJ's hardwork - the sense of everything must be perfection and nothing less. There isn't that many of us out there who love their work this much - that none but perfection will do. Besides, who can dance like that while singing, acting and telling others want to do with their instruments and dance steps at 50? I am half his age and I am out of breath just walking up the stairs.
MJ, you are truely remarkable - it is sad that people like me only realise your brilliance when you are gone... Wherever you are, may you be in peace.
PS I actually have this thought of MJ doing the thriller for real and rocking some after life party with real skeletons :D
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I cried when I heard...
I was watching TV tonight - an entertaining talent show. Tears poured out of my eyes when I heard the following:
After singing very badly on the stage......
Judges: what do you do for a living?
Singer: I am a fruit seller.
After dancing an unexciting dancing routine......
Judges: Why are you dancing?
Dancer: (looking anxious)because it keeps us off the streets and doing drugs
Listen to the level of resilency and self determination. The self belief that 'yes I can do it - I can, yes me, yes I can'. God, thank you for inspiring me through ordinary people in life so I may not give up on the fight I will be in with and for others I serve. Thank you God!
After singing very badly on the stage......
Judges: what do you do for a living?
Singer: I am a fruit seller.
After dancing an unexciting dancing routine......
Judges: Why are you dancing?
Dancer: (looking anxious)because it keeps us off the streets and doing drugs
Listen to the level of resilency and self determination. The self belief that 'yes I can do it - I can, yes me, yes I can'. God, thank you for inspiring me through ordinary people in life so I may not give up on the fight I will be in with and for others I serve. Thank you God!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I say ' blessed be the disabled!!'
I remember once upon a time I heard the saying 'blessed be the sick and the poor', as I am preparing for an exam poster - I just wanted to shout into the cyberspace 'BLESSED BE THE DISABLED!!'....
The reason I say this is because they are both sick (at one point to have gotten the impairment) and poor (as often they are restricted from active and full participations in life, limited by others in their access to resources, assistance and opportunities. These all lead towards poverty and further disabilities. Furthermore, because of their lived experience of social oppression and real bodily and environmental barriers; I dare to say they understand vulnerability and capabilities!!! I therefore make the conclusion that they are blessed as they are closer to God than 'we' (the so called normal who keeps think 'oh shame, in God's name; we will help you).
No no, guys we all got it wrong!!! It 's 'us' that needs help and let the children, the poor and the sick as well as the disabled show us the way!! I just wanted to say this - great, now it's out of my chest (or finger tips) LOL
The reason I say this is because they are both sick (at one point to have gotten the impairment) and poor (as often they are restricted from active and full participations in life, limited by others in their access to resources, assistance and opportunities. These all lead towards poverty and further disabilities. Furthermore, because of their lived experience of social oppression and real bodily and environmental barriers; I dare to say they understand vulnerability and capabilities!!! I therefore make the conclusion that they are blessed as they are closer to God than 'we' (the so called normal who keeps think 'oh shame, in God's name; we will help you).
No no, guys we all got it wrong!!! It 's 'us' that needs help and let the children, the poor and the sick as well as the disabled show us the way!! I just wanted to say this - great, now it's out of my chest (or finger tips) LOL
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A song that I love "you raise me up"
"You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
Reference: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/joshgroban/youraisemeup.html
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
Reference: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/joshgroban/youraisemeup.html
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Where am I going??
Recently, my life had been surrounded by death, sickness and failure/disappointments. As I am sick at home, I feel I am forced to reflect and examine this question - "Ka Yan, where the hell in this world are you going to??"
Aaron and his dad Richard asked me about my and our future over the weekend... I ponder over this 'future' question. The ironic thing is that I dont even know what I am doing right now or where I am - how do I know where I am going or wanting to go later? And yes, I have ideas but they are so wild and so untammed that it even scares me the thinker!! A colleague at work had died very suddenly. I do not know her well but I have a lot of respect for her. Hearing how others say how impersonal yet professional she was (basically she's so cold, unfriendly but do the right things), I feel sad. Is that all we can say about somebody who want to be different? Are we just going to close the book and forget her after the memorial? Is this the treatment I will receive because I see myself going that way - the way of being different from normality? God, I feel so lonely, so judged by others. How can I connect with people around me which is what I really want when they are so different from me? Or is it my destiny to be misunderstood - like many great people e.g. Vincent who painted beautiful artwork yet not acknowledged when he lived?
I feel particularly tore by what I want and what I suspects others want me to want - I cannot and fail to seperate the two... Aaron asked me if it's important who's wants I am following? If what you want is also what others want u to want, what's wrong with that? Yet, it matters to me - because I do not want to 'want' something that an oppressive system may want me to want so that I will shut up!! In fact, I do not want to shut up about injustice - but yet is this just popular (and sounds like the right thing to do) or is this really me who wants to become a fighter for this reason? And God, why do I have to be alone in this? I look at other colleagues of mine, everybody is content but why not me? I know that perhaps it is because I have always choose the hardest road to journey on possible, without the struggles without the challenges, I do not live and my heart will die!!
Another question comes to my mind is that whether it really is about what we want in life - do we really have a choice? I am not sure about it... Lack of choice is not always bad but yet the sense of in controlness and freedom is what gives meaning and quality to life.
This is the point in time I feel like standing in the middle of a road like Jim Carey's character in "Bruce Almightly" and scream out loud "God, I need a sign!! any sign!!" God, help~!! I like the way how you had been so quiet but I need you to speak to me these days. I know you know me well, perhaps better than myself at times; that you know I will doubt if I hear a voice in me - I will examine it before I trust it.
God, perhaps you are saying to me - be brave and embrace that fighter that you are and you will be for others. But do so humbly, do so honestly and without fear for that is my plan for you my child - that you will do my work for me in this way, reaching those who need their prayers answerred. Accept it, accept that this is you and this is what you will do. God, has my path already been decided but you are just giving me time to be ready for it? God, I hope I didn't misunderstand you - I hope I am not just going to make a fool out of myself.......
In the end, I just want to be able to stand in front of you without shame - God I do not ask you to understand me or understand my choices, my actions and if I need to be punished for it, so be it - I just dont want to regret it myself as I am going through my life with you.
Aaron and his dad Richard asked me about my and our future over the weekend... I ponder over this 'future' question. The ironic thing is that I dont even know what I am doing right now or where I am - how do I know where I am going or wanting to go later? And yes, I have ideas but they are so wild and so untammed that it even scares me the thinker!! A colleague at work had died very suddenly. I do not know her well but I have a lot of respect for her. Hearing how others say how impersonal yet professional she was (basically she's so cold, unfriendly but do the right things), I feel sad. Is that all we can say about somebody who want to be different? Are we just going to close the book and forget her after the memorial? Is this the treatment I will receive because I see myself going that way - the way of being different from normality? God, I feel so lonely, so judged by others. How can I connect with people around me which is what I really want when they are so different from me? Or is it my destiny to be misunderstood - like many great people e.g. Vincent who painted beautiful artwork yet not acknowledged when he lived?
I feel particularly tore by what I want and what I suspects others want me to want - I cannot and fail to seperate the two... Aaron asked me if it's important who's wants I am following? If what you want is also what others want u to want, what's wrong with that? Yet, it matters to me - because I do not want to 'want' something that an oppressive system may want me to want so that I will shut up!! In fact, I do not want to shut up about injustice - but yet is this just popular (and sounds like the right thing to do) or is this really me who wants to become a fighter for this reason? And God, why do I have to be alone in this? I look at other colleagues of mine, everybody is content but why not me? I know that perhaps it is because I have always choose the hardest road to journey on possible, without the struggles without the challenges, I do not live and my heart will die!!
Another question comes to my mind is that whether it really is about what we want in life - do we really have a choice? I am not sure about it... Lack of choice is not always bad but yet the sense of in controlness and freedom is what gives meaning and quality to life.
This is the point in time I feel like standing in the middle of a road like Jim Carey's character in "Bruce Almightly" and scream out loud "God, I need a sign!! any sign!!" God, help~!! I like the way how you had been so quiet but I need you to speak to me these days. I know you know me well, perhaps better than myself at times; that you know I will doubt if I hear a voice in me - I will examine it before I trust it.
God, perhaps you are saying to me - be brave and embrace that fighter that you are and you will be for others. But do so humbly, do so honestly and without fear for that is my plan for you my child - that you will do my work for me in this way, reaching those who need their prayers answerred. Accept it, accept that this is you and this is what you will do. God, has my path already been decided but you are just giving me time to be ready for it? God, I hope I didn't misunderstand you - I hope I am not just going to make a fool out of myself.......
In the end, I just want to be able to stand in front of you without shame - God I do not ask you to understand me or understand my choices, my actions and if I need to be punished for it, so be it - I just dont want to regret it myself as I am going through my life with you.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Remembering a star in my journey of struggling and growing
It is late yet I am not sleeping... I cannot believe that you are gone...
If I say you are not someone significant in my life, I do not think I would be dishonest because I had only got a chance to see you more often in this last 6 months when I started being regular at this place I had met you since I was 14.
But yet you were there... you were there in my journey of struggling to become someone in a helping profession. You were one of the very first I had came to know and was hoping to help. You were there and you never changed - in fact you were more consistant and honest about your feelings, emotions and thinking than a lot of the people I had ever known - yet many ordinary people would be puzzled at why you were part of a beacon in my developing life.
I do not know if you ever realised how much knowing you added colour to my life. I do not know if you would ever know or notice. I hope that you never suffered the 'humanity' of the normal society - that you had remain untouched by the suffering and saddness that surrounds us. And I hope that you are in heaven now, in peace and with God.
Strangely and ironically, I even laugh at myself at this; I am going to miss your irritating greeting habits and style as I get to this place we used to see one another. I hated it but I am also going to miss it and miss you being in this place.
R.I.P. a star that shined upon me as I struggled - we will not be in a hurry to forget you...
If I say you are not someone significant in my life, I do not think I would be dishonest because I had only got a chance to see you more often in this last 6 months when I started being regular at this place I had met you since I was 14.
But yet you were there... you were there in my journey of struggling to become someone in a helping profession. You were one of the very first I had came to know and was hoping to help. You were there and you never changed - in fact you were more consistant and honest about your feelings, emotions and thinking than a lot of the people I had ever known - yet many ordinary people would be puzzled at why you were part of a beacon in my developing life.
I do not know if you ever realised how much knowing you added colour to my life. I do not know if you would ever know or notice. I hope that you never suffered the 'humanity' of the normal society - that you had remain untouched by the suffering and saddness that surrounds us. And I hope that you are in heaven now, in peace and with God.
Strangely and ironically, I even laugh at myself at this; I am going to miss your irritating greeting habits and style as I get to this place we used to see one another. I hated it but I am also going to miss it and miss you being in this place.
R.I.P. a star that shined upon me as I struggled - we will not be in a hurry to forget you...
Friday, June 5, 2009
Maybe I am just having growing pain...
Recently I have really had a hard time at work with political clashes with different members of the team. As I lie here, sick at home; I realise the fire within my heart is still burning and difficult to contain because it wants to come out like a devil - be agressive, have no mercy and do not want to delay gracification and rupture like a volcano onto whoever that happens to be standing in the wrong spot at the wrong time.
Speaking to my new mum (my mother in law) on the phone who is a social worker by training, I asked the question "why does it have to be some individual that fights for others? Yet everybody will benefit from this one (or a few) brave individual fighting but in the down times, the crowd follows the oppressors?" I believe that we need to stop being a walk over if we want any respect and dignity. OTs can do much more and we shouldnt be denied the opportunities to be a full OT - we can definitely do more than just FCEs, splints, PGs, pencil grip and wheelchair prescriptions!! What will it take for OTs to stop being afriad? How long do we have to wait until we get that critical mass so we can voice for ourselves and our clients fearlessly?
From these recent experiences, I realise that it is not conflicts that I fear but the beast in me that I fear. Yet, I know I want to fight not with the individuals, but I want to take stupid stuck-up ideologies with my bare hands and shake it to tell it 'we will no longer submit and subscribe to your power or dictation!!! NO MORE!!'
Enough is enough and no more no further!!
Bridgid was saying that I would need to hold onto my rare qualities and let it grow and be shaped into something more refined before I can use it. And that I have to accept I will have to continue watching others suffer in the process, as I cannot take away the suffering. God, I know I am meant to walk alongside those who are in pain and crying; but it is inhuman to expect me to be able to be this brave this young to not want to go down with them. My soul do not want to give in to the powerful ones who silence me and those who I dare to represent on certain issues yet my legs are finding it hard to keep standing up striaght never mind the advancing forward as the battle begins.
I know I am 'just' having growing pain, in order to become the 'angel', in order for the wings to come out from my back; I have to cry I have to bleed. I just pray that I do not die from exhaustion from burnt out from disappointment before the process is completed. Or that someone tries to kill me because they are too afriad of what I will become......
Speaking to my new mum (my mother in law) on the phone who is a social worker by training, I asked the question "why does it have to be some individual that fights for others? Yet everybody will benefit from this one (or a few) brave individual fighting but in the down times, the crowd follows the oppressors?" I believe that we need to stop being a walk over if we want any respect and dignity. OTs can do much more and we shouldnt be denied the opportunities to be a full OT - we can definitely do more than just FCEs, splints, PGs, pencil grip and wheelchair prescriptions!! What will it take for OTs to stop being afriad? How long do we have to wait until we get that critical mass so we can voice for ourselves and our clients fearlessly?
From these recent experiences, I realise that it is not conflicts that I fear but the beast in me that I fear. Yet, I know I want to fight not with the individuals, but I want to take stupid stuck-up ideologies with my bare hands and shake it to tell it 'we will no longer submit and subscribe to your power or dictation!!! NO MORE!!'
Enough is enough and no more no further!!
Bridgid was saying that I would need to hold onto my rare qualities and let it grow and be shaped into something more refined before I can use it. And that I have to accept I will have to continue watching others suffer in the process, as I cannot take away the suffering. God, I know I am meant to walk alongside those who are in pain and crying; but it is inhuman to expect me to be able to be this brave this young to not want to go down with them. My soul do not want to give in to the powerful ones who silence me and those who I dare to represent on certain issues yet my legs are finding it hard to keep standing up striaght never mind the advancing forward as the battle begins.
I know I am 'just' having growing pain, in order to become the 'angel', in order for the wings to come out from my back; I have to cry I have to bleed. I just pray that I do not die from exhaustion from burnt out from disappointment before the process is completed. Or that someone tries to kill me because they are too afriad of what I will become......
Friday, May 22, 2009
They always say that a good breakfast is a good start of a day
I have had such a bad week this last 5 days. I thought on the Saturaday (supposively the last day of this week) I give myself a nice breakfast to end it off on a good note. Here it is:
I am still so so tired - just want to get back into a warm bed (unfortunately alone as hubby is not around for now - snob snob) But I have to keep going
I am still so so tired - just want to get back into a warm bed (unfortunately alone as hubby is not around for now - snob snob) But I have to keep going
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
天堂 by 光良
天堂
歌手：光良 作曲：光良 填詞：葛大為 編曲：吳慶隆
牽著你在天空飛翔 這樣看世界不一樣
Holding you and flying in the sky, in this way the world looks different
有了你在身旁笑的臉龐 世界或許就這麼寬廣
to have you smiling by my side, perhaps the world just became wider
＊忽然就忘記了慌張 人海之中你最明亮
Suddenly forgotten about being anxious, you shine brightly in the sea of people
無意間的影響 漸漸擴張 你豐富我生活感想
Unexpected influrence gradually speading you have enriched my feeling about life
＃何必尋找所謂的天堂 原來我 因為你 不想再去流浪
Why go search for heave, because of you I no longer want to drift arond aimlessly
情願平凡 不擁有一切也無妨 有了你 在心上 依然是天堂
rather be ordinary even if I dont have everyting, because of you in my heart, this is still heaven
Repeat ＊,＃
何必尋找所謂的天堂 原來我 因為你 不想再去流浪
Why go search for heave, because of you I no longer want to drift arond aimlessly
情願平凡 不擁有一切也無妨 有了你 在心上 已經是
rather be ordinary even if I dont have everyting, because of you in my heart, this is already heaven
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an old song, but it really touches me. It just prove how love can make the most oringal satifying and extraorindary. So that we no longer need to go and search for heaven. As heaven, is right here, in the eyes of our lover. Gosh... it makes me miss Aaron as I listen to it.
歌手：光良 作曲：光良 填詞：葛大為 編曲：吳慶隆
牽著你在天空飛翔 這樣看世界不一樣
Holding you and flying in the sky, in this way the world looks different
有了你在身旁笑的臉龐 世界或許就這麼寬廣
to have you smiling by my side, perhaps the world just became wider
＊忽然就忘記了慌張 人海之中你最明亮
Suddenly forgotten about being anxious, you shine brightly in the sea of people
無意間的影響 漸漸擴張 你豐富我生活感想
Unexpected influrence gradually speading you have enriched my feeling about life
＃何必尋找所謂的天堂 原來我 因為你 不想再去流浪
Why go search for heave, because of you I no longer want to drift arond aimlessly
情願平凡 不擁有一切也無妨 有了你 在心上 依然是天堂
rather be ordinary even if I dont have everyting, because of you in my heart, this is still heaven
Repeat ＊,＃
何必尋找所謂的天堂 原來我 因為你 不想再去流浪
Why go search for heave, because of you I no longer want to drift arond aimlessly
情願平凡 不擁有一切也無妨 有了你 在心上 已經是
rather be ordinary even if I dont have everyting, because of you in my heart, this is already heaven
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an old song, but it really touches me. It just prove how love can make the most oringal satifying and extraorindary. So that we no longer need to go and search for heaven. As heaven, is right here, in the eyes of our lover. Gosh... it makes me miss Aaron as I listen to it.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's day
Today, we celebrated mother's day; here's a few pictures to show you what and who were there:)
Mum, we love you - happy mother's day!!
Mum, we love you - happy mother's day!!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
A prayer for my motherland
God and Budha, I have a deep sense of fear today, now - sitting in my chair at home.
I pray that YOU will give my motherland the wisdom and courage to be a different kind of leader in the globe.
I pray that YOU will enlighten her people - for them to look in the eyes of their oppressors and who they oppress
And see all of them as human, just human, just like ourselves.
Lord, let us not forget what had been done to us;
And let us stop this cycle of oppression right here - with us;
Let us not do to others what we struggled against for!!!
For in many language, the common proverb exist about not doing harm to others that we do not wish upon ourselves.
God and Budha, how can we not see the power that is within us for destruction & construction!!!??
How can we not see what we are doing to others?
How dare us not see what is happening is what we experienced
And as a nation had been deeply traumatised by the very same experience we are responsible for others going through?
There is a saying in my motherland - all are brothers within the 4 seas of the world.
What does it say about who we are if this is the way we treat our brothers?
Are we better than those who had done it to us in history (or even continuing now)?
I pray that YOU will give my motherland the wisdom and courage to be a different kind of leader in the globe.
I pray that YOU will enlighten her people - for them to look in the eyes of their oppressors and who they oppress
And see all of them as human, just human, just like ourselves.
Lord, let us not forget what had been done to us;
And let us stop this cycle of oppression right here - with us;
Let us not do to others what we struggled against for!!!
For in many language, the common proverb exist about not doing harm to others that we do not wish upon ourselves.
God and Budha, how can we not see the power that is within us for destruction & construction!!!??
How can we not see what we are doing to others?
How dare us not see what is happening is what we experienced
And as a nation had been deeply traumatised by the very same experience we are responsible for others going through?
There is a saying in my motherland - all are brothers within the 4 seas of the world.
What does it say about who we are if this is the way we treat our brothers?
Are we better than those who had done it to us in history (or even continuing now)?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
South African Election 2009
I only decided to write about the election within the country after hearing why one of the nurses at work vote. She said she voted for the ANC because it is the party which gave her the rights to vote - for me, this is alarming!!
We can never deny the good that had been done by the Mandela ANC, the development in the country under the Mbeki goverment. But for the future, it is not necessarily who did the most good can offer the best future. But I suppose, this is my own views not the views of millions of other voters including a lot of the ones I know.
I just wonder about politics - what do we need to do and what can we know as citizen and myself as an OT
We can never deny the good that had been done by the Mandela ANC, the development in the country under the Mbeki goverment. But for the future, it is not necessarily who did the most good can offer the best future. But I suppose, this is my own views not the views of millions of other voters including a lot of the ones I know.
I just wonder about politics - what do we need to do and what can we know as citizen and myself as an OT
Friday, April 17, 2009
my journey of disability
I was at a masters class today talking and throwing ideas around 'how do I really feel about disability?'...
I found myself silenced - this is a very interesting and strange phenomona - how can a health professional who fights her life and with her fellow collagues about disaiblity not have something to say immediately.
I pondered and the first reaction I felt was anger, injustice, hopelessness, sadness, gulit.... the list goes on. Then I asked myself, why did I ended up as a health professional - how did I ended up as an OT? The answer was obvious to me:
When I was small, I was a high achiever that hated people teasing other students around me about them being fat, stupid, lazy, useless and will not amount to much. My brother was one of those who were teased. I as a child couldnt stand by and watch others do this to others (the others who included my brother). Those whom are labelled are human beings just like others and myself were - we were all children,how can one child be so nasty to another one? It makes no sense at all. This was why my motto for a long time were -"to give hope to the hopeless and to help the helpless; never again shall I ever let them stand alone and be attacked in this world!!!"
What is deeper than the heroic picture of myself - is my marganlisation experience as a 7 year old who were perceived to have some incurable diseases because I was in Africa 1 week more than we had time for holiday. Nobody wanted to be my friend, everyone ostersied me and joked about how infectorious I was. There was that boy who I had fought cats and dogs with that year - it was him who sticked out his hand to me and said "dont worried, I will be your friend" as I cried out of frustration and hurt. I wanted to be that someone that stands by people who faces very difficult struggles and challenges in life.
Now ask deeper: what do I fear if that was me???
I fear loneliness, not having the chance to maxmising my achievement, not having the freedom to be, to do and to become who I wanted to be, I fear to be put inside a box where there is a ceiling enforced onto me saying "this is it, you will never be any better than this". No, I will not accept this is it, this is me and this should be how it is for people like me - i cannot let this happen to somebody else. It hurts so much for me, I would never wish someone else to received the same rejection, margelisation, othering that I experienced in a small incident.
I found myself silenced - this is a very interesting and strange phenomona - how can a health professional who fights her life and with her fellow collagues about disaiblity not have something to say immediately.
I pondered and the first reaction I felt was anger, injustice, hopelessness, sadness, gulit.... the list goes on. Then I asked myself, why did I ended up as a health professional - how did I ended up as an OT? The answer was obvious to me:
When I was small, I was a high achiever that hated people teasing other students around me about them being fat, stupid, lazy, useless and will not amount to much. My brother was one of those who were teased. I as a child couldnt stand by and watch others do this to others (the others who included my brother). Those whom are labelled are human beings just like others and myself were - we were all children,how can one child be so nasty to another one? It makes no sense at all. This was why my motto for a long time were -"to give hope to the hopeless and to help the helpless; never again shall I ever let them stand alone and be attacked in this world!!!"
What is deeper than the heroic picture of myself - is my marganlisation experience as a 7 year old who were perceived to have some incurable diseases because I was in Africa 1 week more than we had time for holiday. Nobody wanted to be my friend, everyone ostersied me and joked about how infectorious I was. There was that boy who I had fought cats and dogs with that year - it was him who sticked out his hand to me and said "dont worried, I will be your friend" as I cried out of frustration and hurt. I wanted to be that someone that stands by people who faces very difficult struggles and challenges in life.
Now ask deeper: what do I fear if that was me???
I fear loneliness, not having the chance to maxmising my achievement, not having the freedom to be, to do and to become who I wanted to be, I fear to be put inside a box where there is a ceiling enforced onto me saying "this is it, you will never be any better than this". No, I will not accept this is it, this is me and this should be how it is for people like me - i cannot let this happen to somebody else. It hurts so much for me, I would never wish someone else to received the same rejection, margelisation, othering that I experienced in a small incident.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Current affairs
Today I am really suprised by my supervisor's comment that as if she had said finally, Anita is only human. This was said in the context of me having send her an email to apologise for being out of touch after getting married a month ago.
I am suprised because how often in my life I had people around me looking at me and go "wow, she works so hard like a machine". I remember this the most deeply as a high school girl who was so alone in her goal to become a doctor and focused only on that and nothing else. It scared every single 'normal' girl around me - many of them asked, how the hell do I work like this?? My dear, my answer would have been and will always still be 'cos' I wanted it bad enough - bad enough to put my life in the flame and burn it for what I wanted!!'
I am suprised because I noticed how recently I had not slowed down - I had just been spinning faster and faster to a point I feel my life is no longer in control. That I feel like I am getting mad too by talking to mad people daily, like their maddness rubs off on you & now you becoming more like them - so who's normal now? Working at a psychiatric hospital is a blessing, it is an absolute blessing in the sense that you have to reflect and examine your own values, beliefs and perceptions all the time.
Recently, I came across a case where the pt attempted to dig his/her mother up from missing her so much - this really sadden me, that there is nothing else in the world this patient could find hope in; that he/she is absolutely desperate to have the support from his/her deceased mother. How cruel is the world to someone who feel this lonely? I bet very!!
God, I, Ka Yan; shall never give up!! I will never give up in bringing hope in others' life - no matter how hard this is at times. I dont expect the impossible from myself to give joy and hope but I wish I may be God to them - that through me, they see their God - the light at the end of the tunnel and if it's not their time to see the light, for them to know that somebody understand how hard it really is.
It is very tought for me at the moment, with 2 assignments due next monday and the monday after that. One half done and the other unstarted. And today I had a very hard day with really trying to provide therapy to patients but they are just not getting it (despire they all say how much they enjoy the way how I put things). I feel inadequate as a therapist - why would they get it? What's wrong with the way I am putting it? But I will not give up and I shall not fail! It is a difficult journey but if there is anybody in the world that has the stubborness, the will and power to do this, it would be me. God, I am small and I am insignificant but I have the power to pour out positive light into this world and I can make a difference - even if it's only one patient in my entire career as an OT, it is one person living more positively and that I consider my job well done.
Like I had said many many great many years ago, giving up does not exist in the dictionary of Ka Yan Ho (Now Hess). It still does not exist~ even at times I have to say this with my knees bent from stress and facing difficulties !
I am suprised because how often in my life I had people around me looking at me and go "wow, she works so hard like a machine". I remember this the most deeply as a high school girl who was so alone in her goal to become a doctor and focused only on that and nothing else. It scared every single 'normal' girl around me - many of them asked, how the hell do I work like this?? My dear, my answer would have been and will always still be 'cos' I wanted it bad enough - bad enough to put my life in the flame and burn it for what I wanted!!'
I am suprised because I noticed how recently I had not slowed down - I had just been spinning faster and faster to a point I feel my life is no longer in control. That I feel like I am getting mad too by talking to mad people daily, like their maddness rubs off on you & now you becoming more like them - so who's normal now? Working at a psychiatric hospital is a blessing, it is an absolute blessing in the sense that you have to reflect and examine your own values, beliefs and perceptions all the time.
Recently, I came across a case where the pt attempted to dig his/her mother up from missing her so much - this really sadden me, that there is nothing else in the world this patient could find hope in; that he/she is absolutely desperate to have the support from his/her deceased mother. How cruel is the world to someone who feel this lonely? I bet very!!
God, I, Ka Yan; shall never give up!! I will never give up in bringing hope in others' life - no matter how hard this is at times. I dont expect the impossible from myself to give joy and hope but I wish I may be God to them - that through me, they see their God - the light at the end of the tunnel and if it's not their time to see the light, for them to know that somebody understand how hard it really is.
It is very tought for me at the moment, with 2 assignments due next monday and the monday after that. One half done and the other unstarted. And today I had a very hard day with really trying to provide therapy to patients but they are just not getting it (despire they all say how much they enjoy the way how I put things). I feel inadequate as a therapist - why would they get it? What's wrong with the way I am putting it? But I will not give up and I shall not fail! It is a difficult journey but if there is anybody in the world that has the stubborness, the will and power to do this, it would be me. God, I am small and I am insignificant but I have the power to pour out positive light into this world and I can make a difference - even if it's only one patient in my entire career as an OT, it is one person living more positively and that I consider my job well done.
Like I had said many many great many years ago, giving up does not exist in the dictionary of Ka Yan Ho (Now Hess). It still does not exist~ even at times I have to say this with my knees bent from stress and facing difficulties !
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
4 MORE WEEKS TILL BECOMING MRS HESS
I still cant believe how little singlehood is left in me before I am the offical Mrs Anita Hess. To be 'Anita Hess' is something that I am still trying to get used to seeing that this is a very English name for a very Chinese girl. It just seems odd I guess:)
Currently, Aaron and I are writing our vows and speeches. It is very exciting task and challenging@@. I enjoy being so creative about this and I hope it turns out right.
Watch this space:D
Currently, Aaron and I are writing our vows and speeches. It is very exciting task and challenging@@. I enjoy being so creative about this and I hope it turns out right.
Watch this space:D
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