Monday, December 16, 2013
Madiba
There's a river of tears I want to cry for you,
the sight of your coffin over the tv screen send such mixed emotions through my body.
My soul hurt knowing that you had departed.
I felt an intense sense of loss and sadness, just like the time when I had lost my grandparents.
Yet there was more in between the flooding tears - there is gratitude and pride.
I am thankful and proud that I got to live in the country you built and fought for tirelessly.
I am ever amazed at your ability to inspire hope, loyalty, respect and goodness in people.
I bow at your ability to forgive and to see the human in the other when it could have been so understandably hard.
Tata, we may feel lost without you as you had left us in this past week. But you had taught us well, if our heart, our mind and our hands are at the right places then we have direction, then we can carry on your walk for freedom. It is hard to go on without you but it was harder still what that child from Qunu had to face in front of him. What have we got to fear, if we have you as our guide on our journey?
Farewell, tata! We may never see the like of you again. We shall miss you and you shall live on in our action, in our heart.
Friday, August 30, 2013
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools, the gifts we've got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am....
This is lyrics from a song 'I wouldn't give up' from Jason Mraz. Even through the context of the song is about a relationship, I feel very much this is a motivational song too. I have not succeeded more times I can count but I am not going to give up and walk away so easily. This is so not the last you have seen of me trying and fighting, screaming and kicking. A family member of someone suffering asked me how do I deal with people who's miserable everyday? This question echoed with me, yes just how do you do it?
I think I can do it because I am not someone who walks away easily and yes, I am here to stay and to make the difference that I can make with what I got and who I am. I wouldn't give up easily, no, especially when my clients don't give up. I think sometimes clients have no idea I become someone more than I am because of them. Things I will not do for myself or say to stand up for myself, but yet I will do it for them. I also don't give up because I know I am better than some people appear to think I am and I have more patience and determination than they even think I have.
So, success or not this time around, no, I am still not going to give up, no no, not now, not ever. If my mind is set, it really takes a lot to change it, a lot.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Preparing to fail is part of preparing to succeed
As I find myself at the same junction again doing the something I had done in the beginning of the year, I find myself standing still and mentally preparing how to fail gracefully. Through my recollection of what happened and how I felt, I say to myself this, 'yes it is very disappointing, very much a huge slap on the face by people who have little respect for you for reasons you don't understand. But look, I am still here, with a sore face that maybe slightly red, and 'I' have not been destroyed as I can still hold my head up.
Hence I am prepared to say it more clearly and louder this time, should I fail, to the person whom many suspect holds the key as their approval is important: 'the loss is all yours for not picking me, because I am bigger than you. This has not and will never destroy me and I will rise again.'
This is so not the last you will have seen of me. In fact, one day, you will beg me to go away.
Nelson Mandela once said, "We should all bear in mind that the greatest glory of living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time you fall" and I say Amen!! to this great hero in my life.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
long long time ago, in the distance not so far away, there's a girl who is a big big dreamer. She often wondered whether she should stop because others would laugh at her. But somewhere deep inside, she cannot stop herself from dreaming for, hunger for, searching for the world as a better place for all. And yes she struggles,she struggles with where to position herself so that she is in the right place to find such a place in the world, or that she could beat reach for those in need. And yet, she would only make herself available to help, but never pushing forward to help as she believes the power should remain with the people.
God, I pray that you will guide her on her journey of seeking and bringing hope and peace to herself and those she comes into contact with. God she knows she is not worthy to speak on your behalf but even if only to God your light, your hope and peace for others, may u grant her the opportunity to serve others so that u can answer people's prayers through her aa the instrument.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thank you God, I am blessed
There are many moments in my life I am humbled by how blessed I am. I can never say I am truly the underdog because I have been very lucky in my life. My parents worked very hard to put me where I am in the world.
But God, there is not the only reason why I feel blessed. I feel blessed, not only because of the opportunities I have had because my parents worked hard to position me to reach for them. When I hear how others had ticked all the boxes, had been at all the right places at the right time with the right things and people and it is a high way all the way - I still do not envy them. This is because even through I can never say I am the underdog, I had have the opportunity to walk along them and experience their struggle second handedly. Although I have no way of pulling them out of the struggle, but I am proud to be with them for a point in their journey. Some of those life sessions I had taken from them, I will never forget.
So I thank you God, I am blessed.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Its been awhile but I'm not going away
If you think I have been gone forever and that you have got rid of me, you are wrong.you are so wrong.
I know you have been saying no, go away, you are nt good enough. You don't fit in our system... But I will not give in until I hear you cry for mercy.singer people may say I'm being childish and immature in expecting a change in something so rigid, and I knower I am probably too but stillit doesn't mean I don't thrist for my revenge. Yes I'm human, sinfully so.
I'm thinking that perhaps I should trying give up yet I never know it can be so hard to do so.in fact out is harder to give up than out is to hold on and just on and on. I'm thinking this is a calling to do something else quite differently. I wonder when will I have these courage to go places do things I have never done before, I shall look forward to that day when ishii can take that jump
I know you have been saying no, go away, you are nt good enough. You don't fit in our system... But I will not give in until I hear you cry for mercy.singer people may say I'm being childish and immature in expecting a change in something so rigid, and I knower I am probably too but stillit doesn't mean I don't thrist for my revenge. Yes I'm human, sinfully so.
I'm thinking that perhaps I should trying give up yet I never know it can be so hard to do so.in fact out is harder to give up than out is to hold on and just on and on. I'm thinking this is a calling to do something else quite differently. I wonder when will I have these courage to go places do things I have never done before, I shall look forward to that day when ishii can take that jump
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I am grateful that we have met...
As I prepare for yet another interview tomorrow, I began thinking about those of you I have met while I was working in my last job in SA. I really feel grateful that I have met each of you. I still remember one of the last thing one of you said to me was 'Anita, you have done so much for us, you have no idea how you have change our lives. There is nobody else like you in this place.' I would say the same for all of you, that you have no idea how much you have changed my world.
To the anti-psy artist, I thank you for showing me strong belief in yourself and teaching me what true client centredness means,
To the ice cream man, I thank you for your laughter and your positivity despite you are in trouble, I so wished, still wish I could pull you out from the deep waters,
To the asylum seeker, your bravery, your endurance in hardship re-light a fire in my heart as I look back into my own history,
To the one in the wheelchair, thank you for giving me the opportunity to face up to my own fear of dying, suffering and being unloved,
To the one with the broken hand, you tested my patience and my sense of responsibilities, thank you for the opportunity that I could exceed my best,
To the enlighten car mechanic, I am sorry I couldn't stand up stronger for your spirituality,
To the cycling ex-solider lost in his own world, I am sorry I couldn't help find more justice in your world,
To the two who tried to swop pants in a psychotic disinhibited manner, thank you for showing me there's always another way to see the same thing in front of your eyes.
God thank you for putting them in my path, to show me what's important in life and beyond yourself. May I continue to be a message to some from YOU!!
To the anti-psy artist, I thank you for showing me strong belief in yourself and teaching me what true client centredness means,
To the ice cream man, I thank you for your laughter and your positivity despite you are in trouble, I so wished, still wish I could pull you out from the deep waters,
To the asylum seeker, your bravery, your endurance in hardship re-light a fire in my heart as I look back into my own history,
To the one in the wheelchair, thank you for giving me the opportunity to face up to my own fear of dying, suffering and being unloved,
To the one with the broken hand, you tested my patience and my sense of responsibilities, thank you for the opportunity that I could exceed my best,
To the enlighten car mechanic, I am sorry I couldn't stand up stronger for your spirituality,
To the cycling ex-solider lost in his own world, I am sorry I couldn't help find more justice in your world,
To the two who tried to swop pants in a psychotic disinhibited manner, thank you for showing me there's always another way to see the same thing in front of your eyes.
God thank you for putting them in my path, to show me what's important in life and beyond yourself. May I continue to be a message to some from YOU!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
賣火柴的女孩
故事內容在一個寒冷的耶誕夜，有一個小女孩在街上兜售著火柴，因為小女孩的父親告訴小女孩，必須把火柴賣完才能回家，並且告訴她沒有賣完就不要回家了，但是街上的人忙著準備過新年，都假裝沒看見小女孩。
時間越來越晚，直到了深夜，小女孩的火柴還是賣不出去，所以她決定用火柴來取暖，當她點燃第一根火柴，看見了暖爐，接著他點了第二根，看見了有著華麗裝飾的聖誕樹，緊接著點燃第三根，她看見了火雞大餐，雖然只有短暫的瞬間，但是她看見了許多他想要但卻未曾擁有的事物，此時，小女孩心想如果能看見死去的奶奶就好了。
當她點燃下一根火柴時她見到了她最希望看見的奶奶，但是沒多久又消失了，小女孩焦急的把所有的火柴都點燃了，只見奶奶對著小女孩微笑，伸出溫暖的雙臂，小女孩興奮跑向奶奶，奶奶抱著小女孩帶著她一起離去。
隔日的一大早，人們發現小女孩倒在街上緊抱著燃燒過的火柴堆，臉上帶著幸福的笑容但已經沒有了氣息。
(from http://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%8D%96%E7%81%AB%E6%9F%B4%E7%9A%84%E5%B0%8F%E5%A5%B3%E5%AD%A9, 2011-4-28)
It is weirdly the childhood story that I am resonate with the most and I do not even know fully why this is. I do not particuarlly feel like I am the little girl but I could see her smiles and what she was seeing.
時間越來越晚，直到了深夜，小女孩的火柴還是賣不出去，所以她決定用火柴來取暖，當她點燃第一根火柴，看見了暖爐，接著他點了第二根，看見了有著華麗裝飾的聖誕樹，緊接著點燃第三根，她看見了火雞大餐，雖然只有短暫的瞬間，但是她看見了許多他想要但卻未曾擁有的事物，此時，小女孩心想如果能看見死去的奶奶就好了。
當她點燃下一根火柴時她見到了她最希望看見的奶奶，但是沒多久又消失了，小女孩焦急的把所有的火柴都點燃了，只見奶奶對著小女孩微笑，伸出溫暖的雙臂，小女孩興奮跑向奶奶，奶奶抱著小女孩帶著她一起離去。
隔日的一大早，人們發現小女孩倒在街上緊抱著燃燒過的火柴堆，臉上帶著幸福的笑容但已經沒有了氣息。
(from http://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%8D%96%E7%81%AB%E6%9F%B4%E7%9A%84%E5%B0%8F%E5%A5%B3%E5%AD%A9, 2011-4-28)
It is weirdly the childhood story that I am resonate with the most and I do not even know fully why this is. I do not particuarlly feel like I am the little girl but I could see her smiles and what she was seeing.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Now I look back at all the assignments I wrote for my Masters and I realised how much it was from within, the blood, the sweat and the tears...
As I prepare for the battle of my first job interview in the UK, I read over my assignments that I had completed in my Masters. And I realised, how much of what was in those thousands of words came from within. That energy, that sense of justice and anger or saddness were all real. They were part of me and it was all blood, sweat and tears. They were real, I meant what I said not just what somebody else famous or in the field said.
Perhaps, it frighten me how much I had been sitting in reflection since a long time ago. God, how can anyone spend so much time thinking? And if I think so much, how much or little am I doing in action? Perhaps what frighten me was also the passion and love I have within me for the world, the people and for life.
I realised that the very 'doing' of the Master was a personal journey of finding more about myself. What did I find, I wondered... I think I found passion, big love and bravery as well as the motivation that I want to make a change in the world even if it comes at a cost to me. But I also found someone who thinks alot, an exceptionally a lot who lack that brainless action that others are engaging with.
Although now that I had just finished my masters, I have no idea how I will be using the skills. But I am looking forward to it.
Perhaps, it frighten me how much I had been sitting in reflection since a long time ago. God, how can anyone spend so much time thinking? And if I think so much, how much or little am I doing in action? Perhaps what frighten me was also the passion and love I have within me for the world, the people and for life.
I realised that the very 'doing' of the Master was a personal journey of finding more about myself. What did I find, I wondered... I think I found passion, big love and bravery as well as the motivation that I want to make a change in the world even if it comes at a cost to me. But I also found someone who thinks alot, an exceptionally a lot who lack that brainless action that others are engaging with.
Although now that I had just finished my masters, I have no idea how I will be using the skills. But I am looking forward to it.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
沒想過我真的離開了
三月三十一日，我真的別了一份我喜愛的工作。
我沒法相信大家讚美我的好說話，好像只是他們好心說的。我聽了，整個人都麻木了，心裡想﹕這不是真的，我在做夢。但我感受到的心酸在提醒我這偏偏是鉄一般的事實！為了警惕我自已，我上司說的兩句話我要記下來:
她對我說﹕「Anita, 你有一份不怕苦的用心，妳從不計較把自己的地位降低了。只要你認為好的，你就勇往直前，那怕你要做的事不配你的身份和地位。」 (You do not mind getting your hands dirty and getting down to get the work done.)
「你是一個天生讓人肯定的人，是我們治療師中非常稀有的。在你還沒有在公共医療工作前，大家都聽說過你的名字。因為在每一個空缺補給的首選三位名單中總出現了「何‧嘉‧欣」這個名字。每一個上司都急着向人事部給壓力第一個邀請你來工作。到你選了我們這裡後，留意你的不但只有治療師們，就連主治醫生的上司都想知道這個中国女孩是哪一號的人物。你總是可以做出成績讓人感受到職業治療師的威力。你不要改變這珍貴的兩點。」
我希望我永遠記住這番勵志的話。今天我看到了一顆細少但光亮的鑽石，即使在暗淡無光的地方，它一样發光。我有了一奇特的想法 一 我也要像它，就算我是渺少，我都要在黑夜裡自信地發光照亮他人的生命。」
我沒法相信大家讚美我的好說話，好像只是他們好心說的。我聽了，整個人都麻木了，心裡想﹕這不是真的，我在做夢。但我感受到的心酸在提醒我這偏偏是鉄一般的事實！為了警惕我自已，我上司說的兩句話我要記下來:
她對我說﹕「Anita, 你有一份不怕苦的用心，妳從不計較把自己的地位降低了。只要你認為好的，你就勇往直前，那怕你要做的事不配你的身份和地位。」 (You do not mind getting your hands dirty and getting down to get the work done.)
「你是一個天生讓人肯定的人，是我們治療師中非常稀有的。在你還沒有在公共医療工作前，大家都聽說過你的名字。因為在每一個空缺補給的首選三位名單中總出現了「何‧嘉‧欣」這個名字。每一個上司都急着向人事部給壓力第一個邀請你來工作。到你選了我們這裡後，留意你的不但只有治療師們，就連主治醫生的上司都想知道這個中国女孩是哪一號的人物。你總是可以做出成績讓人感受到職業治療師的威力。你不要改變這珍貴的兩點。」
我希望我永遠記住這番勵志的話。今天我看到了一顆細少但光亮的鑽石，即使在暗淡無光的地方，它一样發光。我有了一奇特的想法 一 我也要像它，就算我是渺少，我都要在黑夜裡自信地發光照亮他人的生命。」
Thursday, October 21, 2010
My grandparents
You raised me up so I can do anything. You raised me up, you make me strong so I can be more myself, more like the divine being that I thrive to be. And that gave me the courage to be brave and encouragous for others when I couldn't stand up for myself.
I miss you, I always will long for the day we would be reunited in spirit. You have made me more than I can be on my own. You believed in me when I didn't mysel.f I look forward to the day when someone else look up to me the way I will always look up to you.
Thank you for being my grandparents. I could not ask for better people to learn from. I learn from your perservernece, your courage, your love and sense of responsbility for your family and your hardworkingness.
You live forever, in me. You live forever.
I miss you, I always will long for the day we would be reunited in spirit. You have made me more than I can be on my own. You believed in me when I didn't mysel.f I look forward to the day when someone else look up to me the way I will always look up to you.
Thank you for being my grandparents. I could not ask for better people to learn from. I learn from your perservernece, your courage, your love and sense of responsbility for your family and your hardworkingness.
You live forever, in me. You live forever.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
What am I doing?
Today as I walked into the computer lab where I was intending to do my work, I met a familiar face. It is a face that belongs to a fellow postgraduate student that I have always fondly enjoy chatting about politics and macro issues in the region where we live.
During the lively chat, we spoke about poverty; we spoke about regional policies keeping people immobile and disadvantaged. I cannot help but be asking myself, what am I doing to help this situation? What can I do and what am I doing?
I am not doing anything, let's admit that. I feel guilty, I feel angry and I feel depressed and incapable of helping others in that situation. I am shocked and I am stunned. I ask this of myself, is it naive is it silly is it crazy to think I should be doing something about this? Am I out of my mind and why do I care so much?
Why should I stand up and how do I do this? It is painfully ironic when I wonder how much would my family care about the same thing. And how urge do they feel they should do something? I can almost hear them saying just do your job and don't get into trouble. But I feel like sometimes I have to get into trouble in order to do my job.
God, I pray that you would give me direction - direction that guide me in being able to make a difference how ever small individual me as a person. I find it really hard not to break when I think - gosh, why such injustice and inequality for my brothers and sisters from another mother and father? Why?
God, why?
During the lively chat, we spoke about poverty; we spoke about regional policies keeping people immobile and disadvantaged. I cannot help but be asking myself, what am I doing to help this situation? What can I do and what am I doing?
I am not doing anything, let's admit that. I feel guilty, I feel angry and I feel depressed and incapable of helping others in that situation. I am shocked and I am stunned. I ask this of myself, is it naive is it silly is it crazy to think I should be doing something about this? Am I out of my mind and why do I care so much?
Why should I stand up and how do I do this? It is painfully ironic when I wonder how much would my family care about the same thing. And how urge do they feel they should do something? I can almost hear them saying just do your job and don't get into trouble. But I feel like sometimes I have to get into trouble in order to do my job.
God, I pray that you would give me direction - direction that guide me in being able to make a difference how ever small individual me as a person. I find it really hard not to break when I think - gosh, why such injustice and inequality for my brothers and sisters from another mother and father? Why?
God, why?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Inspiring the therapist
It had been a remarkable day for me. I want to say that I am grateful for those whom I work with today. Today, they had taught me hope and perseverance. The hard works do pay off.
I had been working very hard with these particular two individuals. I am and had walked a long hard part of their journey back to life with them. One found work and the other doing so well that gave me the confidence that it will all be okay.
I want to capture this happy moment for myself. It was a remarkable feeling when relief came in a context of illness, poverty and being in a strange place. It was equally remarkable when our eyes met, you said everything without saying a word to tell me how you appreciated and acknowledged my involvement, my walking alongside with you to stand on your own again. It is hard to let go but it makes me proud to let you go and see you fly.
This, is truly inspiring; even for the therapist :)
I had been working very hard with these particular two individuals. I am and had walked a long hard part of their journey back to life with them. One found work and the other doing so well that gave me the confidence that it will all be okay.
I want to capture this happy moment for myself. It was a remarkable feeling when relief came in a context of illness, poverty and being in a strange place. It was equally remarkable when our eyes met, you said everything without saying a word to tell me how you appreciated and acknowledged my involvement, my walking alongside with you to stand on your own again. It is hard to let go but it makes me proud to let you go and see you fly.
This, is truly inspiring; even for the therapist :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Happy Birthday Madiba!
Today, 18th July 2010 marks the 92th birthday of South African ex-president Nelson Mandela. There is no word to describe someone as amazing and as legendary as him.
Happy Birthday Madiba. Here's the words of a song my favourite band wrote in honor of you:
《光輝歲月》的歌詞在下面給大家欣賞：
作曲： 黃家駒 作詞： 黃家駒 歌手： Beyond
鐘聲響起歸家的訊號
在他生命裡 彷彿帶點唏噓
黑色肌膚給他的意義
是一生奉獻 膚色鬥爭中
＊年月把擁有變做失去
疲倦的雙眼帶著期望＊
＃今天只有殘留的軀殼
迎接光輝歲月 風雨中抱緊自由
一生經過徬徨的掙扎
自信可改變未來 問誰又能做到＃
可否不分膚色的界限
願這土地裡 不分你我高低
繽紛色彩閃出的美麗
是因它沒有 分開每種色彩
(the above picture came from http://api.ning.com via Google search and is hereby acknowledged.)
Happy Birthday Madiba. Here's the words of a song my favourite band wrote in honor of you:
《光輝歲月》的歌詞在下面給大家欣賞：
作曲： 黃家駒 作詞： 黃家駒 歌手： Beyond
鐘聲響起歸家的訊號
在他生命裡 彷彿帶點唏噓
黑色肌膚給他的意義
是一生奉獻 膚色鬥爭中
＊年月把擁有變做失去
疲倦的雙眼帶著期望＊
＃今天只有殘留的軀殼
迎接光輝歲月 風雨中抱緊自由
一生經過徬徨的掙扎
自信可改變未來 問誰又能做到＃
可否不分膚色的界限
願這土地裡 不分你我高低
繽紛色彩閃出的美麗
是因它沒有 分開每種色彩
(the above picture came from http://api.ning.com via Google search and is hereby acknowledged.)
Monday, May 31, 2010
My favorite hymns - even through I am not exactly a good Christian
LOVE IS THE TOUCH OF INTANGIBLE JOY:
Love is the touch of intangible joy;
love is the force that no fear can destroy;
love is the goodness we gladly applaud;
God is where love is, for love is of God.
AMAZING GRACE
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
Love is the touch of intangible joy;
love is the force that no fear can destroy;
love is the goodness we gladly applaud;
God is where love is, for love is of God.
AMAZING GRACE
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
thoughts...just thoughts along the way
We visited yet another castles in Scotland and my mind is still stucked with the church that housed one of Englishmen from a Lord family in the 1st boers wars. The hurt of wars really hit home with me when we read about his death as an act of kindness at the 'close of victory'. I feel really stupidified and rage just surge in me - "WHO'S VICTORY WAS THAT??" It is hardly victory that one man is killing another no matter how seemingly 'good' reasons you had going into war!! And what victory do you think you have had, when so many more of your men were killed by the Boers. How selectively self deceiving can we get?
Men, you dare to say you are the smartest on earth and that you are made in the image of God. How can you be so blinded to the ways of the devil, playing us one against another while laughing at our foolish act that is fatal sometimes. And there are causalities, innocent lives are lost too.
I have to say my thoughts into the universe as I cannot hold it in as I understand how each family had members in the wars (WWI & WWII) in Scotland. There are just as many of other people that was in the wars, can we ever see the other human in the persons on the opposite side? Here, I remember my 3 grandfathers who were in the wars. two of which were soliders on different sides and one carried dead bodies as a young teenager, the irony and tragedies in all 3's situations is hardly victory at all for anybody.
Men, you dare to say you are the smartest on earth and that you are made in the image of God. How can you be so blinded to the ways of the devil, playing us one against another while laughing at our foolish act that is fatal sometimes. And there are causalities, innocent lives are lost too.
I have to say my thoughts into the universe as I cannot hold it in as I understand how each family had members in the wars (WWI & WWII) in Scotland. There are just as many of other people that was in the wars, can we ever see the other human in the persons on the opposite side? Here, I remember my 3 grandfathers who were in the wars. two of which were soliders on different sides and one carried dead bodies as a young teenager, the irony and tragedies in all 3's situations is hardly victory at all for anybody.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A spiritual visit to the Isle of Iona & Staffa Island
Aaron and I went on a 12 hour island visit today with his folks, we went to Iona and Staffa Island. I still find the experience unreal as the islands are un-humanily beautiful and untouched by pollution. I felt that I had entered heaven and was absent from being on Earth while sightseeing there.
On Iona, we visited the birth place of English Christianity where it landed 635AD on the coast of Iona. What is left of this spiritual and histronical event are ancient buildings of church and where the nun and monk lived. There was something spiritual about visiting these monuments. It amazed me that people lived and died believing in their faith in the old days. I couldn't help myself but asked, why is it so hard to do the same in the modern days? I wished my faith about what I believe in can be so stable, so unquestionable and so 'of course, this is the way it has to be.' Bridgid's said something interesting when we chatted about this, she said that modern day people have more emphasis on this life on earth than before when I expressed how shocked I was that Saint Oran got sacrificed (willingly or not) for a tiny plain building that is now known as the Saint Oran's Chapel next to the big church on Iona. I really wondered is it worth it to die like flies? Yet Oran didn't die like flies, for he is still remembered and visited by us on Iona... How interesting and ironic, I sometimes wondered what is God trying to tell us?
Amongst the interesting artifacts, there were many tomb stones. A set of four knight looking one really drew me to them, it drew me into thinking how all of us what to exit this world in a honourable way and in a glorified way, but in the end - what does it matters? We still goes, honourable or ordinary... It seems pointless to hold onto the material things we have access to if that's not going to have any meaning for our souls when we leave our bodies at the end of this life. This made me sad as I read what people wrote that they feel would end poverty inside the church of Iona. So many said, 'end this war..', 'share things' and etc. But poverty, it is so much so much more than the have's and have not's. If ordinary people's understanding is only on the superifical level of materials, who is really poor and how are the real poor people really ever going to get the 'help' they should receive?
God bless us with a deep inner understanding of what you intended for us to learn in our lives, in this life before we meet you face to face.
On Iona, we visited the birth place of English Christianity where it landed 635AD on the coast of Iona. What is left of this spiritual and histronical event are ancient buildings of church and where the nun and monk lived. There was something spiritual about visiting these monuments. It amazed me that people lived and died believing in their faith in the old days. I couldn't help myself but asked, why is it so hard to do the same in the modern days? I wished my faith about what I believe in can be so stable, so unquestionable and so 'of course, this is the way it has to be.' Bridgid's said something interesting when we chatted about this, she said that modern day people have more emphasis on this life on earth than before when I expressed how shocked I was that Saint Oran got sacrificed (willingly or not) for a tiny plain building that is now known as the Saint Oran's Chapel next to the big church on Iona. I really wondered is it worth it to die like flies? Yet Oran didn't die like flies, for he is still remembered and visited by us on Iona... How interesting and ironic, I sometimes wondered what is God trying to tell us?
Amongst the interesting artifacts, there were many tomb stones. A set of four knight looking one really drew me to them, it drew me into thinking how all of us what to exit this world in a honourable way and in a glorified way, but in the end - what does it matters? We still goes, honourable or ordinary... It seems pointless to hold onto the material things we have access to if that's not going to have any meaning for our souls when we leave our bodies at the end of this life. This made me sad as I read what people wrote that they feel would end poverty inside the church of Iona. So many said, 'end this war..', 'share things' and etc. But poverty, it is so much so much more than the have's and have not's. If ordinary people's understanding is only on the superifical level of materials, who is really poor and how are the real poor people really ever going to get the 'help' they should receive?
God bless us with a deep inner understanding of what you intended for us to learn in our lives, in this life before we meet you face to face.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Antisocial personalities - cancer to the human nature?
I have had a frustrating day with unable to feel sympathetic towards antisocial personalities. Recently, 'antisocial personalities' have dominated my mind for a bit... I guess it's because I am not lack of contact of it recently - on tv and at work etc.
It is hard to believe anybody is able to be so self righteous and self centred. As if that is just the way it should be and why do you people keep thinking I am wrong. I fear slightly for myself as I am about to move into an area full with psychopaths and sociopaths at work this year. It's horrible the stories I have heard, not that I can tell anyone about them and if I did it would scare the hell out of anybody.
I laugh at myself for putting myself into a work setting where it is probably only a notch down from working as medic on a war zone. Colleagues of mine had been injured before too even through I know they are well respected by the clients they see. Working in that setting to come is going to be testing of what I am taught through my formal training as a therapist and as a person who had been brought up in a Eastern culture of compassion and love of the Budha.
Sometimes you just want to tell them 'come on, get yourself together... stop feeling sorry for yourself you are not winning with me!'... I wonder what has psychiatry turn me into? I like psych because it challenges your reality everyday every moment, it challenges your idea of normality and society all the time but at times I wish for the simplicity and unquestionableness of what to do in physical therapy settings.
Do I go for where it is easier to flow or do I struggle for what may potentially be fruitful? For a big part of my life it had never been a question worth thinking - of course I will struggle till my last breath for what I think is right or I should do... when reality is multiple in versions and perspectives, can I really do so sure anymore?
It is hard to believe anybody is able to be so self righteous and self centred. As if that is just the way it should be and why do you people keep thinking I am wrong. I fear slightly for myself as I am about to move into an area full with psychopaths and sociopaths at work this year. It's horrible the stories I have heard, not that I can tell anyone about them and if I did it would scare the hell out of anybody.
I laugh at myself for putting myself into a work setting where it is probably only a notch down from working as medic on a war zone. Colleagues of mine had been injured before too even through I know they are well respected by the clients they see. Working in that setting to come is going to be testing of what I am taught through my formal training as a therapist and as a person who had been brought up in a Eastern culture of compassion and love of the Budha.
Sometimes you just want to tell them 'come on, get yourself together... stop feeling sorry for yourself you are not winning with me!'... I wonder what has psychiatry turn me into? I like psych because it challenges your reality everyday every moment, it challenges your idea of normality and society all the time but at times I wish for the simplicity and unquestionableness of what to do in physical therapy settings.
Do I go for where it is easier to flow or do I struggle for what may potentially be fruitful? For a big part of my life it had never been a question worth thinking - of course I will struggle till my last breath for what I think is right or I should do... when reality is multiple in versions and perspectives, can I really do so sure anymore?
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